JenHartNSoul

Target—Age—Indeed

2012-02-17T08:13:00.004-06:00

Yesterday around the breakfast table—I didn't know at the time—was a fabulous foreshadowing of what the day had in store for me. I didn't know, hopping out of bed in the morning, that I'd be returning an older woman.

Noshing on Cinnamon Toast Crunch, my little guy was telling us a story and then casually referenced as a side-note, "...You're 36, right Mom?" to which I eagerly agreed.

The girl to his left, spooning Chocolate Cheerios in her face, wasn't so sure.

"Wait a minute, Mom." She jumped in. "You're 37." Hmph. As if being two years his senior earned her the right to be a skeptic.

"OK, you caught me." I reluctanty allowed.

Fast-forward to after school, and you'd find a minivan on its way to Target, loaded up with our Dynamic Trio: the 30-something Mrs. Forever Young, 10 year old Little Miss Truth Shall Set You Free, and 8 year old Master Luke (don't ask, that's a different story.)

Macy had been given a gift card by one of her friends, and Kelton was possibly a young Jedi at the time, being space-shipped closer and closer to the Death Star...as it were.

I, too, had a mission. Not to spend gift money, but to regain my sight.

Shut up, you heard me. If you must have the non-poetic interpretation for that last line, what I mean is that after I got some of the groceries and other miscellany being exploited by the "Super" in Super Target's name, I was... fine I'll say it——I was going to buy some readers. You know, the glasses really OLD PEOPLE lose even though they're right there on top of their head? The ones they eventually have to get after their "arms finally got too short, ha ha ha ha ha ha." (Hmph again! That joke is not funny to anybody who doesn't own their own pair of magnifying reading glasses. So yes, I think it's hilarious...)

Walking into the side of the store closer to toys, my daughter wanted to pick out her gift card prize first. Of course, I was willing to agree to anything that would put me farther away from the Eye-Glasses Aisle.

But instead of choosing yet another stuffed animal or clothes for the Barbies, Ms. Thing proceeded to the Electronics section and quite decidedly picked a CD. What? That had never happened before. My own carefully selected iTunes have always been good enough!

To that end, I am willing to entertain that it might be my fault. The Baby Face CD I recently re-found and placed on repeat in the car might have been what drove her to it. Apparently Mr. Face doesn't have the same Whip Appeal he had to my generation.

Do you know what MY first CD was that I bought with my very own money? Well I'll tell you. It wasn't. It was a tape. And it was Richard Marx. I am sure somewhere deep in the attic he is still Right Here Waiting for me.

And so now, Justin Bieber will forever be my daughter's Eeny-Miney-Mo-Luva. I am not sure how I feel about this. Part of me has my head at a 45° angle cutsie-squealing "Awwww!" and part of me wants to club something. Yes, with a Flintstones-like-club. Like they had back when I was a kid.

I am sure there are some very sweet and charming song titles written on the back cover of this Justin Bieber CD, but I'd have to put my reading glasses on to find out. And I can't find them right now.

Children's Lit Recommendations for Valentine's Day, Part 2

2012-01-31T08:04:00.001-06:00

If you haven't already read my first two picks for great Valentine's Day reads for your kids, click here! If you have, then congratulations for coming back to "find out" my other two (inconspicuously pictured on the previous blog post.......) or find out what I had to say about them!

St. George and the Dragon, by Margaret Hodges

St. George and the Dragon is a fabulous adventure with knights and a princess and castles and dragons. This is for the more, um, er, masculine of your V-day targets, as parts of the dragon get hacked into by George, and parts of George's arm get hacked into by the dragon. Notwithstanding, my daughter at 9 did love the story too. Mostly. Except for the parts that made her squirm an extremely lot during the dragon fight. My son, on the other hand, wanted to hear it over and over and over. And it's a loooong picture book. Also, do NOT pass this by if you have a little art student on your hands. Because oh, WOW! is the art fabulous. Each page is as delicious as the one before.

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Somebody Loves You, Mr. Hatch, by Eileen Spinelli

And finally, my last book recommendation for the coming holiday is the deliriously adorable Somebody Loves You, Mr. Hatch. Arguably my favorite Valentines Day book, this is a heart-warming story about a lonely man who works every day at his lonely job until his lonely life is changed by a secret admirer. The gift this unknown person gives brings him out of his shell, helps him to see the good in people—see people at all!—and become an important part in the hearts of many. Later when he discovers the gift was accidentally sent to the wrong address and was never intended for him, he becomes sad again until .... well, there's a very happy ending that you and your kids will love. Nice, muted colors work to tell the sad parts of the story, while vibrant colors jump off the page to express the happy parts.

Children's Lit Recommendations for Valentine's Day, Part 1

2012-01-24T23:43:00.003-06:00

Jen Hartnsoul's top picks for your children's
Valentine's Day / February reading

Here are my four recommendations for Valentine's Day this year. Only half of my selections use the word "Valentine," but each is centered around love, goodness, and the developing of personal excellence—bravery, industry, leaving the world a better place than it was before.

Each of my choices, in their own ways, gently acknowledge that life isn't a bed of [Valentine's Day] roses—things don't always go as we planned, there are dragons to be overcome and disappointments to hurdle. Yet each will leave your young one feeling full of love. And faith in herself and others. Swing into your local bookstore or reserve these treasures at the library. Guaranteed enjoyment for your kids or for reading time at a class Valentine's Day party!

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Saint Valentine, written and Illustrated by Robert Sabuda. Here is my review of this book on Amazon:

The most touching children's literature I have read all year! The strikingly beautiful illustrations are intricately detailed mosaics (made with "marbelized and hand-painted papers adhered to speckletone paper") which add to the sacred tone of to this tender story.

This story is based closely on history, and spans far beyond a "Catholic" or "Christian" world view. Sabuda relates the account in story form, and then provides more details of the account in his final page "Notes on the text." The beauty of kindness, human purpose, and Valentine's ability to love and care for others outside of his own beliefs is truly inspirational. I consider this essential cultural material in any home or classroom that values teaching from a variety of worldviews.

As Sabuda retells, Valentine was a priest and physician who cared for the sick and injured in his city, ancient Rome, even if they were not part of a church. He becomes close with a Roman jailer and his blind daughter as they regularly visit him for treatment of the child's eyes. The author does a beautiful job of factually stating the conflict against "Christians" at that time in Roman history. His recounting of how Valentine is captured and jailed is age-appropriate for his elementary audience without being morose; he balances it sweetly with the highlight of the story: before Valentine is taken away, he is able to slip a note to the jailer for his daughter that reads, "From your Valentine."

Valentine's secretly-given message (also his final words), becomes not only the beginning of traditional love-note giving, but also the Roman jailer's daughter regaining her sight! (This medical miracle, as it were, is delicately put, leaving the reader to decide his or her own beliefs. However, the author later recounts in his notes that "the jailer's daughter...it was said truly did regain her sight.")

If you teach, or if you are a reading family, this book is a must!

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Incredible You, by Dr. Wayne Dyer.

I wanted to throw in a good non-fiction for kids, and most of the time when one thinks "non-fiction" for children, they think biographies. Wayne Dyer was good enough to put together a bit of a Psych / Self-Help for Children, with colorful and helpful illustrations, and discussion questions in the back to boot. It's a quick and easy read ....And some of the ideas might seem obvious... but I bet you'll find one or two tips in there that you could put into practice yourself! Dyer takes simple concepts, taking care of yourself, for example, and puts an adult spin on them: beyond the imperative to brush teeth and hair, taking care of yourself is encouragement to let go of hurt and not let unkind words ruin your day. Quite healthy!

Up Next: Book reviews on the remaining two!

Why Care about the Royal Wedding?

2011-04-28T21:36:00.003-05:00

Why care about the Royal Wedding? Here's why. I remember where I was when Reagan was shot. When the shuttle blew up. When OKC was bombed. Columbine. And the morning of 9/11. WHY NOT BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT A HAPPY MOMENT IN HISTORY FOR ONCE? :) :) :) :) :) I was gripping my 2-month old daughter in terror as I watched the 9/11 footage over and over and over that day. I will always remember that moment in history. Tomorrow I plan to be cuddling my 9 year old daughter on the couch with tea and scones and always remember that happy moment in history! Long live Redemption & Optimism!! :) :) :) Love you all, and now I'm going to bed early so I can wake up & enjoy the moment.

Oleo for the Psych Ward

2011-04-10T14:31:00.007-05:00

This is a vintage post. I wrote this years ago and still think it's funny, basically because I love a good psychology joke.

Here are some different psychological afflictions and how they might have done it if they were advertizing margarine:

Turret's Syndrome: Beep! Fish Noodles! I can't believe it's not F*#(ing butter!

Schizophrenia: We can't believe it's not butter.

Codependent: I can't help that it's not butter.

Obsessive Compulsive: I can't believe it's not butter even though I've called their 800 number 222 times just to make sure.

Illusions of Grandeur: I CAN believe it's not butter.

Projection: I'm fine, but SHE can't believe it's not butter.

Paranoia: They just did that because they knew I love butter.

Depression: It might as well be butter, it'll go straight to my fat hips no matter what....

Apathy: Who cares if it's not butter?

Seasonal Affective Disorder: Butter or not, this would melt so much better if it were summertime.

Masochist: I wish this were gravel.

Passive Agressive: You didn't believe it's not butter? Well I've known it all along.

Al Gore: I invented margarine.

Sinner Sinner, Gum Winner

2011-03-21T13:32:00.003-06:00

I emailed this story to some friends and recently found it in my archives from 2005. It is one of my favorite stories of my daughter as a 3-1/2 year old. A must-share:

The other day, Macy had been asking me for a piece of gum all day long. I had told her over and over that she could NOT have a piece because she doesn't know how to chew it without swallowing it yet. Well, apparently the temptation was too great, and in the afternoon, I found her and Kelton giggling under the dining table.

I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "I'm sorry, but I ate your gum." I said, "Macy! How could you do that? You knew I said no several times today!" She started to frown and said, "I know." I said, "Macy, Jesus lives in your heart, and when you do things like steal gum from Mommy, you are forcing him to go along with you. And he HATES that! Please, please don't do that again, OK?"

She seemed to really get it. She had a sad look and a pushed-out bottom lip. I said, "Can we please pray about this together?" She said, "OK, Mommy." I prayed a short prayer asking Jesus to help her remember not to take things when Mommy already said no.

I asked her if she would want to say a quick prayer too. She said yes. Her prayer was, "Thank you for Jesus, Thank you for God, Thank you for Mommy's yummy gum that I stole. In Jesus Name, Amen."

IT WAS ALL I COULD DO NOT TO LAUGH. I think after I hugged her, I put her down and went somewhere to snicker for a while.

Dreams: If I Designed Video Games

2011-03-05T08:14:00.025-06:00

I don't like video games. They make me nervous and I don't understand what's going on. It's not that I can't get my thumbs to work. I might even have better manual dexterity than you—thanks to 12 years of piano lessons. No, my thumbs are ok, it's my brain and my fight-or-flight instincts that are malfunctional. While I can sight-read multiple notes and rhythm, I absolutely cannot press the fire button while jumping and running. It's too much.

But this morning I realized what type of game I could totally get into. Except that it's nonexistent. If I designed video games, my money-maker would be a game called Dreams.

Dreams would have a little bit of everything, and it would switch vital details when you didn't expect it. You'd be Madden-ing it up, running around on a football field until you suddenly realize you don't have any pants on. So then the game would change and the settings would change a little. Maybe you'd still be on the football field, but suddenly now the coach is your junior high Spanish teacher, mad that you're speaking English during Spanish Emersion Day. So for a while you'd still be playing futbol americano while searching for tu pantalones by pressing the "¿Donde Esta?" button instead of the kick button.

Presently you will find your pants but suddenly won't be able to move your arms or legs at a normal speed (which will be best played on a Wii). And you're in a driving race. With your ex-boyfriend sitting shotgun and some of the cast of Glee and Charlie Sheen in the back seat. Now the lot of you are speeding from the Spanish teacher at break-neck speed. She is running like a Terminator behind you with a high-powered weapon. OH SNAP, she just shot Charlie....

Now you're on a golf course. You keep asking Tiger Woods if he saw Charlie smoke

anything in the back seat while you were driving. Tiger is golfing well, sinking Angry Birdies, while you still struggle to your arms to move at normal speed. Not only do you have to do this, you also have to figure out your locker combination before the end of the 9th hole....

THAT is the type of game I would like. Dreams. A game where everyone with a controller could experience the mental continuity issues I do not just on the screen but in real life. Where everything is related that's not supposed to be, and nothing is related that should be.

...Now stop reading this and get back to the plumbing project you and Mario and Luigi were working on.

Misapplied Modern Hype Language

2011-02-20T15:39:00.008-06:00

I was thinking about the current hype language, and about how some words used to sound so awesome but now, much like the word awesome, have very little actual meaning and power, presumably due to overuse.

(Don't be scared, this is not nose-diving into a commentary against cool words. As a former English teacher, I might or might not get a bit high on noticing which words are so very currently in-season, and am pretty much in favor of almost anything that keeps language breathing and vibrant...)

Anyway I started playing around with some of the hype words in my head—even ones that are still fun to use. But this time I mixed them into a melange of menial tasks and housewifey things that are neither fun, nor hip, nor cool no matter how much extra they get keyed up.

Here, then, are some every-day tasks of a not-so-every-day housewife, fresh from the hype language word spa:

You will NOT want to miss this once-in-a-week-long opportunity! Tuesday morning at 8:45 grab a brush and your favorite brand of cleaner and scrub your toilets!

I learned how to get rid of unwanted eyebrow hairs using this ONE SIMPLE OLD TRICK! (...It's tweezers.)

Style. Elegance. Sophistication. All this can be yours if you would simply do a load of whites and some colors around here.

Had an AMAZING snack time with the children. The protein of peanuts, verdantly packaged in nourishing celery. This was definitely one for the books.

Homework tonight is going to be BOMB! Cancel your date, call in sick to work, but do not miss this very important, daily chance to follow teachers' directions even outside of their classrooms.

Yin and Yang work together in total unity. Life's force. The in and out, the winter and summer, the deposits and withdrawls. Tonight, make your chi complete as you sit in lotus position at the kitchen counter and find balance. Of your checkbook.

Alone in my car, raging against nearly palpable feelings of emptiness, I needed to indulge myself. I wanted to basque in the luxury of fullness... of finally having enough. This thirst was nearly bringing me to a complete stop. So before returing home to my husband, I allowed myself to slip into the gas station and fill up the tank.

Energizer would like to offer you a POWERFUL opportunity to recharge the batteries in your children's PaperJamz. Want to feel amped up? Live with a couple of rock stars? Well plug into this, Mama!

...So I wonder (do you?), if there were ad campaigns for our various dailies, would the effect be that nothing is awesome anymore, or would it make cleaning toilets a little more glamourous?

Milk No More

2011-02-20T00:35:00.001-06:00

If you are a parent of elementary kids, or an elementary kid yourself and looking for an amazing devotion book, I can't say enough about the Explorer Bible Book of Devotions.

We gave our children Explorer Bibles this year for Christmas, and because it was on sale and we needed something new to read together at night, I picked up this little treasure as a sort of after-thought. But what a find! It is so good that we haven't missed a single night since January 1. Seriously.

Tonight the story was linked up to the passage in Hebrews that speaks of spiritual maturity. Here's the scoop—the main idea—of what he was saying, but now blown way out to encompass my thoughts about it as well. When you were young (spiritually) you needed milk (the Sunday School Bible stories that you learned. ...Adam and Eve, God's promise to Abraham, Moses, the baby Jesus, and how the Gospel began its world-wide tour.)

But you've been a Christ-follower for a while, and you know the stories, and now it's time for you to start doing something with them. It's not enough to know that

Joseph had a hard time after his brothers sold him as a slave.
Or that Saul did a 180° after a blinding road trip.
Or that Esther married up and really stuck it to Haman.
Or even that a prostitute saved the lives of some spies and made her way into the lineage of Jesus Christ.

Those are great stories. But billions of people on this earth can read. It's not the stories that save you.

For someone seeking spiritual maturity, application is key. Application is where your hunger for milk is surpassed by something that will stay with you a little longer. Spiritual maturity means asking, "What does that mean to me? How can I follow (or not follow) the example given in this story?

What can the Technicolor Dreamcoat boy teach me about handling my nasty boss?
What can Paul's beginnings as Saul teach me about God's insane ability to do something that seems impossible?
What does Esther's bravery and acceptance teach me on how to view my life's unique purpose?
What can God's love for the prostitute teach me about feelings of guilt in my past?

It's just like literature. See Dick run. Run, Dick, run! Is what we start out with. Milk. See Noah build. Build, Noah, build!

But somewhere along the way, we start to make the connections more solidly. Build, Noah, build! Becomes, Wow, Noah, that's some solid faith and obedience you got there! which becomes I see how faith paid off for Noah, I wonder if it could pay off for me, too, and even, How great is the love God had for us, that He gave humanity a fresh start rather than squishing us and starting over. He could have made a brand new Great Bang, (or brand new Creation Week, or brand new million years of Divinely-guided evolution, whatever your belief happens to be....) or He could have just lumped the whole world off his potters wheel and never made a new one. But instead He worked it out. Redeemed it....Redeems everything!

And eventually, even those higher, meatier levels of thinking lead to the greatest story ever told, which is that humanity got ourselves all twisted up again, but this time God sent not a flood to kill most everybody, but his Only Son to give every single one of us another chance! And to give me a new, clean heart. And to give me such unspeakable joy in following Him and learning about His nature, that I want to tell everyone about it!

So let me encourage you. If you've read the stories but not yet made the application, start doing it. You will be amazed when you read through the context of, "What does God want me to learn that he is teaching me through this story?" I Peter 3:15 says, "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." Milk will sustain you. Meat will strengthen you. So grow already.

Favorite Songs of People in the Bible

2011-01-21T22:08:00.011-06:00

I got a bit carried away on this one. The idea hit me and then there was no stopping. It was a highway with no exit ramps, basically. I really love the Bible, and I really love music, so it seemed natural to come up with what modern song (1960s to current) some of the more memorable Bible characters would claim as their favorite.

I'm risking incurring the wrath of my highschool history teacher whose mantra was "If you have to explain it, it isn't funny." But since he doesn't read this blog AND since some of these might be funny to you if you can just remember which song it is or which character it was, I'll take the risk by explaining where necessary and hyperlinking Youtube videos. (Viewer beware, these are secular songs and secular videos....)

PEOPLE IN THE BIBLE AND THEIR FAVORITE SONGS:

Adam & Eve Hotel California

("You can check out any time you want but you can never leave...")

Lucifer My Prerogative by Bobby Brown

(angel stepped down from heaven and became the devil)

Noah - Blame it on the Rain by Milli Vanilli

(guy who built the ark for the big flood)

Methuselah - Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is by Chicago

(oldest guy in the Bible)

Moses - Ain't no Mountain High Enough while he was getting the 10 Commandments

Pharoah - Facebook says his favorite was Cry Me a River by Ella Fitzgerald, but his myspace listed it as Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson. Either way, kudos to all that Egyptian eyeliner for bringing out his feminine side.

Moses - Walk like an Egyptian

(born a Hebrew, put in a river to escape genocide, adopted by Egyptian princess...)

Abraham - Stars by Switchfoot Ebony and Ivory by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder

(God promised him he'd have more descendants than the stars he saw up in the heavens)

(And he married an African woman...who knows what color his skin was...don't get too technical on this one just admit it's funny and move on...)

Lot's Wife - Stop and Stare by Onerepublic

(was told not to turn around and look while fleeing a burning city, disobeyed and became a pillar of salt)

Jacob & Esau - Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

(twins who fought even in the womb)

Jacob For The Longest Time by Billy Joel

(had to work 7 years for Laban before he allowed him to marry Rachael, but then boss tricked him into marrying Leah first and working another 7 years before getting Rachael)

Laban She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

(you WILL marry the old, ugly one first!)

King Saul in his younger days was Whatta Man by Salt n Pepa but later on, he ended up having on repeat Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi

Sampson - Whip My Hair by Willow Smith (Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's was apparently too obvious for him...)

Elisha - I Believe I Can Fly by R Kelly

(taken up to heaven in a chariot)

Jonah - Into The Ocean by Blue October

(duh. and also I like this song. and it's the only one I know about sinking to the bottom of an ocean.)

Bathsheba - Two Princes by Spin Doctors

(was seen by King David as she bathed on her roof)

Uzziah - The Girl is Mine

(husband of Bathsheba)

David - I don't know why I go to extremes by Billy Joel

(although he had We Will Rock You by Queen on his iPod while he fought the giant...)

Job - Loser by Beck

(poor guy got everything taken away from him..."I'm a loser baby, so why dontcha kill me")

Mary - Like a Virgin by Madonna

(not trying to offend here, only to entertain....)

Joseph - Arms Wide Open by Creed

("I just heard the news today...")

John, Jesus' forerunner, Waitin on the World to Change by John Mayer

Jesus - Everything I do I do it for you by Bryan Adams... or Change the World by Eric Clapton?

Matthew - Taxman by Beatles

Rich Young Ruler - I Would Do Anything for Love But I won't Do That by Meatloaf

(Asked what he could do to go to heaven, Jesus said sell everything you have and follow me...)

Woman at the Well - Killing Me Softly by Roberta Flack

(Singing my life with his words....)

Lazarus - Back II Life by Soul II Soul

Zaccheus - basically any rap song that mentions "Shawty" ???

The Prodigal Son - You Gotta Fight For Your Right to Party by the Beastie Boys

Judas - I Want Money by the Flying Lizards

(sold out Jesus for 40 pieces of silver)

Saul - Blinded By The Light by Audiosurf

(hated the Christian church until God appeared to him in a blinding light, changed his views, and renamed him Paul)

John - Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds

(Author of Revelation, the trippy-est book in the Bible)

Oh, The Things We Say

2011-01-07T23:08:00.017-06:00

My speech is insanely idiomatic. Oh, and put me around my mom, or a few of my close girlfriends and it's idiomatic on crack. Are you like that, too? Lots of inside jokes, movie quotes, and favorite words for quirky reasons?

I was thinking about all the influences on how I got where I am speech-wise, and it was a fun walk down Verbal Memory Lane. I have so many, but will share just a few with you, and save the best one for last.

MOVIE INFLUENCES:

From the movie Dave, I have nabbed several expressions that have stayed with me since seeing it a hundred years ago. "Diabetico" said in a very sad, mamacita accent, and "Nothing. Goodnight." said, well, like a President would. Or someone doubling for a President, actually.

From Bolt, whenever I see a pigeon, I say, "I know dis dog," in a Long Island type accent.

From Despicable Me, I can't say the word "fluffy" or the sentence "It's so [anything]" lately without then adding in my best Agnes voice, "IT'S SO FLUFFY!"

PERSONAL INFLUENCES

In junior high (I think) there was the cutest little girl who was babysat by a friend's mom. She was 3-ish and would repeat anything you told her to say, so Stacy and her brother Jason taught her to say, "Sorry about your luck," sarcastically, but she ended up saying, "Sorry you're a duck." So cute! My mom and I still say that to each other on occasions when our luck is bad.

In college my husband, who has a way with words, said to me, "Not everything has to be Equal Stevens." His off-beat, question-everything way made it hilarious to me then, and I still say it. So much so, actually, that when our kids first heard the phrase, "Even Stevens" they thought it was BRILLIANT! To think, somebody was clever enough to revise Equal Stevens into rhyming!!

A lot of my "I'm pretending to be really cool" words and phrases come directly from the leadership of REVOLUTION, our church's Student Ministry. Brian, Michael, Patty*, Lauren, and Josh can lay out words like Martha Stewart can lay out a Christmas Turkey. ...Yuck, even just writing a simile about Martha—and then saying the word simile!—totally proved how they are in a different realm of coolness than I am. Just sayin'.

ONE VERY SMART THING I'M SO GLAD MY MOM SAID

(By the way, this is a picture of the '80s TV character Blossom, not me. But I may or may not have looked exactly like this as a tween.)

One thing I am so very, very glad I often heard growing up, was something my mom said. As I approached the teenage years, I would frequently hear my mother's friends say, "Oh my, your little angel is going to be a teenager soon! What are you going to do?" And my mom would always smile at me and say confidently, "We are going to have fun." Everyone, it seemed, spoke as if being a teenager was horrible, and they expected it to be horrible. My mom, on the other hand, didn't buy it.

Now I'm not saying I wasn't a maniac and rebellious and stupid in a lot of areas. But what I am saying is that my mom never, not once, gave me the green light to live down to the word "teenager" the way people said it with rolling eyes and scrunched up faces. And I truly didn't get caught in the sex, drugs and alcohol scene the way everyone seemed to expect all teenagers to do. I knew from the way my parents said it, that I didn't have to rebel if I didn't choose to (how liberating!) My mom was genuinely looking forward to my growing up, and felt it reasonable to think I'd still want to be a part of the family, would still love my parents at the end of the day, and wouldn't be excused simply because my age ended in -teen.

I am glad my parents never once told me, "In a few years you're going to turn into a monster," or "What am I going to do when my sweet baby grows up and hates me?" or any of that. What a scary expectation to have to live down to. I had enough of those internal battles going in my own head to self-regulate. I would have been even more anxious and confused if I had heard my parents speak that over me, basically giving their reluctant stamp of approval—"We don't necessarily want this to happen, but we are quite certain that it absolutely will."

Within this last year, somebody asked me what I was going to do when my daughter turned 13. I just winked at my 9-year-old and said confidently, "We are going to have fun."

Thanks, Mom, for saying so many repeatable things, but especially that.

*Don't get all technical on me. CG or not, she IS part of REV so shut up!

Snacks & Throws vs. Dinners & Blankets

2011-01-01T21:35:00.014-06:00

DO NOT SUBSTITUTE. Over and over that's been the message in my mind. And as it's been slow-simmering in my consciousness, I'm seeing how it has as many applications as there are life situations.

From the end of November to the start of the New Year, with all the parties and gatherings to attend, this whole food schedule thing gets kicked in the shins. It happens year after year. We have a late dinner party, so we snack heavy in the afternoon. We have an early hors d'oeuvres party, which, of course, results in snacking the rest of the night. No matter which way it is, it seems I'm never completely hungry enough for a full meal, but never completely full enough to be satisfied, either.

The second picture in my mind hit me as it happened. My adorable daughter is rarely ever tired at bedtime. She'll usually read 20 minutes before she hits the light and calls it a night. But recently, she was beyond exhausted. After family prayer, she practically sleep-walked herself into her room, flopped on top of her bed. It was adorable.

Arriving in her room to find this tiny little lump of exhausted person, I immediately tried to make a way for it to work for her. I'll cover her in her throw blanket and leave her undisturbed, I considered. But in my mind I knew that wasn't best.

She would wake up frozen and on the wrong side of the room with one of her icy feet peeping from the throw. Not only that, but getting herself in bed by then would make her cold all over again, with nobody to help in the middle of the night. Better just to do it right the first time.

This is how we treat (or are tempted to treat) hundreds of things in our lives.

Toss the keys somewhere to save 10 seconds, and lose 10 minutes hunting for them on our next trip out.
Snack to avoid a bit of hunger, and we cheat ourselves out of the nutrition a full meal would bring.
Skip reading the novel only to feel like a fool at the next book club.
Sleep where we fall, and we wake cold and cramped.

It's this same impulse minded, backwards thinking that convinces people that pornography is better than a relationship. That ordering 3 Number Fives for dinner is better than our arteries and waists. That credit cards are the same as saving up for what we want. That Facebook is the same as friendship, and Twitter is the same as spirituality.

Obviously not every example I gave was a sin, or even bad. But we can justify all sorts of things. And when we allow second-best to hi-jack our lives, there should be no justification. No excuses. We should recognize where we've chosen to snack rather than allow true hunger to lead us to an actual meal, and we should do whatever it takes to change our behaviors.

Problem is, we rarely see ourselves on a highway to hell. Not many of my readers see our own reflections in a junkie's spoon, or under the cocaine lined up on a mirror. We aren't experiencing A-ha moments in a jail cell at rock bottom. Those are easy to identify.

No, it's the "only 5 more pounds" and the "only 3 less friends" and the "not reading my Bible as much" that we find so many excuses for.

Well, no more. Don't cover yourself with a throw when it's an actual bed you need. Don't fill up on emptiness. Don't cheat yourself. Don't accept substitutes. Make this year one of excellence. Give your best. Get honest with yourself. Try. Really, truly try. Then, if you fail, you'll know you didn't let it sneak up on you. Fight. Rage. Strive.

But whatever you do, don't substitute.

Overnight Apple Baked Oatmeal

2010-12-11T21:48:00.010-06:00

Here is my family's very favorite oatmeal recipe. I found it a few months ago, made my own tweeks, and have already fielded several repeat requests from the kids & husband.

You make it the night before and then just pop it in the oven in the morning. Voila! And it's simple, too. You probably have all the ingredients in your kitchen already. Great addition to breakfast if you have family coming in for the holidays. Add eggs and bacon, and everyone will be stuffed till noon!

Overnight Apple Baked Oatmeal

1/2 c veg oil

3/4 c white sugar

2 eggs

1 c milk

1 T vanilla extract

1/2 tsp salt

1 Tbsp baking powder

2 tsp cinnamon, divided

3 c quick oats

1 or 2 apples, peeled & chopped

2 T brown sugar

Beat oil and sugar. Add in eggs, milk, vanilla, salt, baking powder, oats and 1.5 tsp cinnamon. Beat well then stir in apples. Pour into a lightly greased 9x9. Sprinkle the top with brown sugar and remaining cinnamon. Preheat oven to 350° and bake 35 minutes or until firm.

*I bake mine covered in a Pyrex dish and 35 minutes is perfect. If you try it uncovered, check it earlier than 35.

*Change it up: add in shredded coconut, walnuts or pecans, or substitute dates & raisins instead of apples. Pour in some milk and drizzle a tiny bit of maple syrup on top.

Grocery Bag Gift Wrap

2010-12-02T21:24:00.009-06:00

Today the kids and I have been sick and lounging around on any nearby couch or bed watching Anne of Green Gables and Johnny Test.

I know, I know... both of those are epic literary feats of ... epic-ness ... But to redeem the time even more, I crafted a batch of my favorite Kraft Paper gift wrap, in bulk, in anticipation of Christmas.

Here's how to do it.

Cut off the bottom edge of grocery sacks you've saved up.

...then cut off the "top" of the bottom...

Then fold them out like this so you can cut the sides in one step.

Keep the bottoms after you've cut them, and it works best to

keep everything in orderly little assembly line stacks.

Run a sink full of hot water and pass each bag fully through

enough to make them wet, but soaking isn't the goal.

Keep all your scraps. Run the larger pieces through your office shredder

and place inside a fragile gift box instead of bubble wrap.

Stack as you go.

Drain a minute to avoid creating a drip path to your back door.

Hand scrunch each unfolded piece individually then lay flat in the sun to dry.

I have dried them indoors before in bad weather, but it takes a lot longer.

Roll the dried sheets in stacks of three and then wrap them all up with one unrolled piece.

Get creative with ribbon and placement, and you won't have to use tape on some gifts!

Pretty, hand-made & fun!

P.S. This is super fun to do with kids. If they like it, click here for a fabulous Mr. Rogers DVD that shows how construction paper is made.

Replacements & Substitutes

2010-11-22T13:43:00.001-06:00

Here are a few different uses for things you might have a lot of, if you're like me.

RE-PURPOSE:

Know how your elementary kids get pencils from people as party favors, halloween treats, the school's winter party grab bags, etc. Quit throwing them out! Instead, sharpen them up and put them in your game boxes! Next time your family plays Yahtzee, Clue, etc. you won't have to Scrabble—pardon me, scramble—for the next 5 minutes to find everybody a pencil!

If you don't drink soda pop but your refrigerator has one of

those under-the-shelf rolling soda can storage thingies, store canned fruit with it, and your next post-dinner dessert craving will be a cinch.

RE-PLACE:

Instead of eating straight M&M's or other guilt-laden sweetnesses, experiment with a 1/3 or 1/2 the amount you're craving, and mixing them with peanuts, raisins, craisins and/or pretzels. It's a lower-calorie, better choice, and oddly enough, it's actually more satisfying than straight candy. Another fabulous combo: 1 part candy corn and 1 part peanuts.

If you are in love with a caffeinated, 0 calorie soft-drink that is artificially sweetened by the chemicals aspertame or sucralose, knock it off! —Hey this is my blog, I'm allowed to heavily represent my own opinions here! :) — Make iced tea for yourself instead. Here are the plusses:

Fresh & hand-crafted by you! Doesn't that sound nice?
Sure it's minimally less convenient, but much more tweekable to your own liking! Squish in a few blueberries, add a shot of lemon juice, a splash of vanilla, stronger, weaker, etc!
No chemicals for your body to have to remove
Actual antioxidants to help your body feel better & be healthier
Cheaper by far
Virtually never run out! 100 tea bags can store in a skinny drawer but 100 diet cokes? not so much.
....I could go on, but this single post is not fully dedicated to my anti-diet sweetener campaign so I'll move along....

RE-USE

If you or your kids have an outfit that you just can't get rid of for some reason (Your son's shirt is ugly but Aunt Betty gave it... Your daughter's dress is adorable but there's a huge ketchup stain.... Your jog suit is out of style but it's so comfortable...) put them all in a "Just-In-Case" Backpack for the trunk of your car. If there's one thing I have learned after graduating from the Baby Bag season of life, it's that one still has need for a baby bag even at 9...or 30... Pack an entire outfit for each member of your family, along with sealable plastic bags (in case something gets wet) and any other plan-ahead materials you might need, and a few extra medicines, too (We keep a few Claritins and inhalers.)

Take a hint from the Boy Scouts: be prepared! You never know when someone might perniciously vomit on your 2nd grader while you're 20 miles away at a museum, or when your teenagers might enjoy a spontaneous Cheetos-and-Shaving-Cream fight....or step into a 2 foot mud puddle.....So it's nice to know your back-up plan is only a walk to the car trunk away.

Clinking Dishes, the sound of Love

2010-11-06T10:00:00.000-06:00

What is it about kitchen noises that sends the message LOVE? My daughter knows. But if it hadn't been for a past student of mine, I might never have understood.

One day in class with my AP Juniors and Seniors, I had asked them to describe imagery of a home, from a child's point of view. I had them think back several years to the sights and sounds that meant home to them.

I don't remember the answers they gave, for the most part, but I do remember Mitchell Scott's, because it hit me where I was. Mitchell Scott was a delightful student. He was both ornery and sincere; enjoyed the a-ha moments in class, but not so much the mundane ones that frequently enveloped them.

Oh, and he was a mastermind at bunny trails. The beauty of his craft was that about a third—or even half—of the times he would try to lead the conversation into a digression, his point was, or was nearly, quite relatable to the

topic at hand. A sweet and innocent teacher (such as one who might years later blog about him) would be quick to believe he had the same good intentions for the other two-thirds—or even half—where his rapid-fire stories somehow failed to hit their target.

At any rate, Mitchell answered my question for the sounds of childhood, and one of them was the sound of his parents in the house after he had been tucked into bed. When asked to explain in more detail, the effect of his answer was that the clinking of dishes in the kitchen, walking around the house, talking, shuffling papers, cleaning, etc. was an audible reminder to

him that his parents were there, and he was secure, and his world was right and good.

Having quite little ones in my own home, I took his answer to heart. I had been of the persuasion that one must be very, very respectful to children, because they are, after all, human and therefore worthy of the utmost care and respect (a.k.a. pins and needles), and had

subsequently been quite careful whenever possible, to keep our home extremely quiet after their bedtime. I had heard of those who went so far as to run the vacuum sweeper after bedtime hours, but, applying the Golden Rule, had not wanted to be that rude. I would not want others banging dishes in the kitchen as I was falling asleep, so I was careful to extend the same courtesy to my children.

But security. Hmmm. I hadn't thought of that. To know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your parents were nearby, simply because you could hear them from time to time as you peacefully drifted off. That sounded nice. And it made me feel a lot better about making noises post-bedtime.

Still, I wasn't sure.

Until this summer. My daughter, apparently filled with the spirit of Mitchell Scott, said to me, "Mom, I fall asleep best when you do the dishes after tucking us in. Why haven't you been doing that lately?" The answer was because they were either being done immediately after dinner or late at night during our relaxed summer schedule. I told her I totally understood, and would get back to doing them at the "proper" time.

She had been getting out of bed up to four times a night, just because she heard a noise, or had an itchy back... or a dry toe... or a powerful thirst... but what she really had, it seems, was a need to know where her parents were.

Thanks, Mitchell. I wouldn't have gotten it—or at least as fully—without your answer about childhood imagery.

A Child's Prayer

2010-09-04T10:23:00.003-05:00

This is what my kids and I pray every morning before school. Thought I'd share it. I'm a big fan of talking to God straight from your heart, but there is something about leading children in character building prayers as well. The second to last line I got from my pastor, Rodney Fouts, who is an amazing father and has three teenagers who love God with all they've got. He prays for them to have "the courage to do what's right even when it's hard," and encourages others to pray that over themselves and their children!

A Child’s Prayer

Dear God,

Thank you for making me special!

You made me,

You love me,

and you have big plans for my life!

Help me give my very best

in everything I do;

I want to do my best for you!

I want you to be pleased with my life

when you look at me.

Help me listen to your Holy Spirit’s

still, small voice inside my heart

that shows me right from wrong.

Help me focus on joy.

Help me work for happiness.

Help me treat others with kindness and respect.

When I make mistakes, let me

get back up quickly,

run to you for help,

grow in your wisdom,

and do a little better next time around.

Please give me courage to do what’s right,

even when it’s hard.

And may others know I follow you

by the way I show them your love.

FB Groups - am I a "joiner"?

2010-08-20T00:40:00.015-05:00

I have a Facebook page. Who doesn't these days. Oh wait, my mom.

Anyway, I use it to catch up with old friends, keep current with current friends (because most of them are moms and none of us can do everything we have on our To Do lists, much less keep up with each other...). I will frequently check to see how the kids in our church youth group are doing, and occasionally (warning: this is creepy) if I read something just totally banoodles on the news, I will search the name of the person to see them and get an inside scoop on what they are (or were) like.

The last time I did this, two ridiculous people were attacked by a tiger or a lion or something at the maybe, SanDiego Zoo (I don't remember, it was a while ago...) One of them had a distinctive enough name that I found him quick as Bing. Got to see a picture of the dude before he met his demise in the drunken bravado cat-and-mouse game he started, thinking in his stupor that he was somehow not the mouse in that asinine scenario.

One of my favorite things to do on Facebook, though, is read the names of the "groups" that my college and teen FBiends join. In case you aren't aware of this, FB groups are entirely meaningless—at least most of them are—but they can be oh, so hilarious. Some of my favorites are named

And then God created Saturn... and he liked it, so he put a ring on it...
Breaking Out Into Song From Words Someone Said in Normal Conversation
The lamp that ghetto stomps the "i" in Pixar
Kicking Someone Off a Skyscraper Onto the Top of a Moving Helicopter
"What Does IDK Stand For" "I Don't Know" "OMG Nobody Knows!"

Who couldn't resist clicking the "thumbs up" logo to like those, right? But there are some that are so ridiculously far-fetched that it's hard to believe anybody joins/believes them an/or can't see through the scam/the schmaltz/the guilt/the general poser-ness of them.

LLAMAS ARE EPIC!!!
I hate it when girl's act dumb for attention [side note, yes this person just made a dumb apostrophe error whilst calling someone else dumb... and don't get me STARTED on your vs. you're!]
"hey" "hey" "sup?" "nmu" "same" "cool" "yupp" *end of conversation
Click "like" if you love your kids/Jesus/Pepsi/etc.
Pretending to work while the teacher walks by [another side note, duh! We're not stupid, we are actually pretending your scam is working because it's soooo not worth fighting about!]

Personally, I used to join a few of the cute, clever, funny ones. I felt it developed cred with my younger friends... But then I realized 35 year old married chicks who used to be English teachers but are now Stay At Home Moms, which they've shortened to "SAHM" as if that somehow takes away the stigma? Should not be using the word cred in the first place. And anyway the students in the youth group like me (or don't) for reasons OTHER than my rigid—wait, would epic be a cooler?—trend-following skills.

Another reason I quit joining these ridiculous (-ly funny!) groups was, in the wake of the whole Facebook "Privacy" issue, I thought there might be some sort of thing.... that if I were to join certain of these groups, it might be admin'd by a whacky psychopath (whackopath?)... who might somehow steal my partially-revealed birthday information to.... well, I don't know. But who can resist a good conspiracy theory, right?

So where was I headed with this. Oh yes, the groups. Tonight, as I was thinking about other things (actually, my children), the thought popped into my head that there might be some groups I would still be unable to resist joining. They would not be groups about texting, or about cheerleading being a sport too, or about trying to rally 100,000 friends in order to get someone's dad to quit smoking.

No, they would be groups about some of the crazy quirks of parenthood that you honestly can't understand until you are one. My irresistible groups would have names like these:

Going to check on your 7 year old and finding him asleep with his arms over his head like he used to do as a baby, and then crying half the night.
Saying no just to say no, even though before kids, you couldn't possibly see yourself being that lame
That feeling of fierce, instinctive animal rage you get when something unfair happens to your kid
When you see your toddler just tried to eat a food that might be a choking hazard, so you fish it out their slobbery mouth and then don't know what to do with it..... so you just eat it.
The first time you change a poopy diaper WITHOUT gagging, you have become a better person somehow.
I wish I could go back and apologize to all the moms I ever judged for being late, not wearing makeup, or having a child who doesn't behave perfectly in the store.

So....yeah. That was a HUGE build up just to get to 5 or 6 "irresistible" groups I had in mind.... But whatev. LMAO, right? Your really sad, I'm sure! L8R. PEACE audi.

Tribute to Milo

2010-06-28T11:22:00.003-05:00

Today is a missing my relatives kind of day. I wrote a tribute for my husband's grandpa in 2008, so that is what I'm posting.

---
My husband's grandpa milo henning died last saturday. His
funeral was yesterday. It was a beautiful, sunny
day in Cherryvale, KS. The kind of day that is comforting. There are
horrid days when you have to bury a loved one despite
cold, grey, freezing sheets of rain. Those days add
even more misery to having to bury someone in the
first place. But yesterday was a gorgeous, blue sky
with warm yellow rays of sunshine and small cotton
puffs of clouds. The earth was warm and our hearts
were, too.

Grandpa Milo lived to be 87. He was in the Army
Rangers, regular Army and Army Aircorp all during the
World War 2 era. He was married to a girl Marilyn, who
had to hop a bus (like a Greyhound) to Kansas to marry
him. The bus was full of soldiers going home for a
quick leave, and not all of them would fit in one bus.
She was going to be late to her wedding if somebody
wouldn't give up their seat.... I've heard she had
spunk. She got on that bus and addressed all those
young men, "I'm supposed to get married really soon,
but I won't make it if someone doesn't let me on this
bus. My man is a soldier, too. Now which of you wants
to make some soldier a very happy man tonight?" and of
course somebody gave up their seat, thereby delivering
the happy bride to Milo later that day.

Milo always kept her picture with him. He showed it to
everyone, even after she died in 1996. It was a
beautiful picture; if not from their wedding, it was
from that time period. He was buried with his hands
folded over his Bible and with that picture of his
bride in his breast pocket. I'm sure she met him at
the gates of heaven with a big kiss and some spunky
comment. And I bet she looked just like she did in the
picture.

After they had been married for 6 years without
children, they were afraid they were barren. Marilyn
prayed and prayed, and finally made a promise to God:
if you let me have a baby, I will raise the child in a
church. God came through and so did Marilyn. She took
her baby Margie to church every Sunday she could, but
when she had to wait tables, Milo took the baby.
Somewhere along the line, the sermons started ringing
true. Milo got saved and then so did Marilyn. They
served the church ever since then, raising their 3
children, and one who died less than a year old, in
the knowledge and admonition of Christ.

He was easy, just easy going. He had a style. Not
classy, but not simple, either. Just easy. He was easy
to talk to, easy to listen to, easy to be around. He
was a worker with his hands—sheet metal worker by
trade, but also crafter, brick layer, gadget-fixer,
puzzle-doer, even an article clipper. There was little
in the area of common sense that the man couldn't do.
When he moved to a retirement community, he befriended
a man who wouldn't talk to anyone and had given up
hope. Milo just kept coming by and talking to him,
sitting with him, until he finally opened up and
accepted Milo's honest friendship. Walter lived for
another four years after finding hope again. Milo had
literally saved his life. They were the best of
friends, scootering their way around the grounds in
the warm weather and sitting around a puzzle when it
was cool.

Milo loved his wife past the time of her death, stayed
close with each of his children, and propped pictures
of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren near his
bedside to cheer him in his final days and weeks in
the nursing home. The song that kept running through
my head during the service? "...And they'll know we are
Christians by our love, by our love; yes they'll know
we are Christians by our love."

Rest in peace, Milo. We will see you again.

What my daughter is looking forward to

2010-06-04T21:35:00.010-05:00

It's been the end of the school year, and the beginning of summer break, so you might imagine I've been too busy playing full-time Program Director to my two awesome kiddos to actually post anything. But trust me, there have been several sparks. I've got a handful of starters in drafts for when I get a spare minute.

What I discovered today deserved an entry of its own, and deserved actually taking the time to post it.

My daughter kept a journal throughout her year at school, and I was looking through it today, absolutely loving the drawings and descriptions of random journal topics the teacher evidently chose for them. Close to the end of the journal, the topic was What are you Looking Forward To? Considering summer break, family vacation, her birthday, theme parks, a few road trips, and family visits are all on our summer calendar, I was surprised to find that THIS is what was in the forefront of her mind:

Jesus coming back to get his believers one day. I absolutely love the faith of our two children. Her brother, though not displayed in art form, has the same fervent heart. One of his frequent requests in our nighttime prayers is often, "Pray that Jesus comes back and we get to go to heaven tomorrow."

Some extremely helpful how-to's!

2010-05-16T13:39:00.012-05:00

I am usually a theoretical kinda gal (—possibly hence my subconscious choice of husbands with a last name like Heart & Soul, rather than Brain & Soul?) but today's post is going to be things that I know how to do! (Don't worry, the list is short!) Yes, maybe, just this once, I might be able to HELP you instead of try to make you giggle or think off-the-beaten-path thoughts!

Without further ado, things I know how to do that you might not—and in order to spare you the repetitiveness of the exact same message after every tip, let me just say it now: I SWEAR THIS WORKS!

BAKED GOODS:

How to keep homemade cookies fresh?

Put a piece of bread in the cookie jar. The bread becomes this hard, dry thing, while the cookies stay puffy and moist.

How to cut brownies?

Use a plastic knife. I don't know why, but the goo doesn't stick on a plastic knife like it does a metal one.

FRUIT:

How to choose a ripe canteloupe?

Smell the "belly button" and if it smells like melon, it's ripe. If it smells like grocery store, it's not. I also like to hold it in one hand and give it a good thump with the other. Not that it really screams "I'm ripe" when smacked, it's just tremendously satisfying is all.

How to choose a ripe pineapple?

I can't tell you how many people I've seen in the produce section bravely pick one up, awkwardly look at it, then shyly smell the butt end of a pineapple. Nose scratcher—yes; Ripeness detector—no! You can tell a ripe pineapple at the other end by picking one of the smallest leaves from the very top of it. If it does not easily pull out, it is not ripe.

How to easily peel a kiwi?

Well, that's a bit of a trick question. Most people try the carrot peeler trick. Instead, the key is scooping the fruit out, rather than peeling the skin off. Use your knife to split it down the middle long-ways, then a spoon to scoop out the fruit. The more ripe the kiwifruit is, the closer your spoon can get to the fuzz; but even if it's not extremely ripe, you'll still do quicker and better with a spoon than a peeler.

HOME STUFF

How to get blood out of material?

Before you do a single thing, put hydrogen peroxide on it. Do not wet it, rub it in, etc. Hydrogen peroxide. It will bubble it out of the fabric weave. Then spray with stain treatment & wash. My mother in law, a nurse, taught me that. If a nurse said it you can trust it.

How to keep your baby from getting a bald spot on the back of his/her head?

Satin crib sheets. Both my kids had lots of hair, and neither of them had bald spots.

Well, there you have it! I think that sums up my meager "bag 'o tricks." There's an added bonus below, but only if you have recurring dreams and lavish non-professional advice from an otherwise mostly-grocery How-To list!

So have a great day and thanks for reading. I hope you learned something practical today! :)

PSYCHOLOGICAL STUFF

How to stop having a recurring dream?

Your mind keeps popping up the same dream time after time because... (WAIT, YOU *DO* KNOW I'M NOT A PSYCHOLOGIST, RIGHT????) ...because you're trying to process it. Your conscious brain for whatever reason hasn't found the time or hasn't been allowed to think the thought all the way through, so it's trying to hash it out while you're in dreamland.

So in order to get rid of a dream you keep having over and over, you have to allow your AWAKE mind some time to wander around in the thought for as long as necessary, from as many angles as necessary, and thinking of and/or creating as many solutions as possible.

Here's my example. I kept having a dream about discovering spiders (I hate spiders). In order to stop the dreams, I spent a long time thinking about what I would do if I found one in bed, in the shower, crawling on me, crawling on someone I knew, someone I loved, etc.

I have such a terror of these dudes that I decided to outfit my dreamland with some imaginary weapons to conquer them. I invented the perfect bug zapper. Did I want it alive or dead? Did I want it removed or trapped but awaiting my husband's arrival (which frequently happened in awake times!) Did I want to have to get close to it in order for it to work? Did I want one readily available in every room in my dream? YOU GET THE POINT. See how I tried to come up with as many true scenarios plus a few made up helpers in order to allow my brain to get some rest? And it worked! This has also worked on a recurring dream I had about going back to college my Sophomore, Junior, Senior years but not being able to find my new dorm/dorm room/dorm island.

You don't have to go searching for what went wrong in your childhood to make you have this type of goofy recurring dream; you just have to spend some time consciously thinking about them and then imagine up a dream-like, fail-proof solution, i.e. a device or weapon or something. I have shared this with several students and friends, and they all seem to think it works, too.

OK, if you're still with me (and I find that hard to believe...), I hope that now you know how to pick a ripe pineapple AND stop having dreams about it! And feel free to hit me up in the comments with any extremely helpful how-to's of your own!

Spiritual ADD??

2010-05-12T14:00:00.005-05:00

Will you join me for a little spiritual self-diagnosis? See if you fit somewhere close to me?

I have been meditating for more than a month on God being known as God of the Impossible. Studying, searching, digging, praying, meditating on the ideas found within His ability to do the impossible has landed me in some fantastic spiritual places I would not have thought I'd have ever reached.

But one thing I've learned, and been shocked at, is that I'm a bit of a spiritual ADHD girl. A thrill seeker. When the Bible says, "Nothing is impossible for God" I have always taken that to mean "The impossible is now possible." Correct. But impossible in my mind has meant only that: scientifically impossible.

My mother was diagnosed with lupus when I was very young. God healed her in a beautiful way that couldn't be explained by doctors, and that changed my family's lives forever. My father will tell you the story with tears in his eyes of how her health was declining and he was praying, making plans, and trying to fathom what he would do with a preschooler (me) when his wife finally lost the fight. Then one day after praying, her tests came back negative. Not just "remission" but negative. God healed her and He gave us a hope and a future and set us on the path of faith and a joyous life! Hallelujah!

So you might imagine, while some people's idea of the impossible is to lose the last 15 pounds, my idea of the impossible looks more like making life-ending diseases disappear, sending angels to save a child in danger, and making the phone ring right before suicide's trigger goes off. I am so very grateful to have a picture of such a HUGE GOD from the time I was so young. There's not a thing my God can't do.

At least....what I mean by that is there's not a BIG thing my God can't do. In this last month, I have come to realize that there are TONS of little things in my life that seem impossible to me. Can God move a mountain if he wanted to? SURE. Can God help me be a little more organized and a little less frantic? Well....um........no?

BOGUS THINKING, JEN!!!!

I'm learning my spiritual style. I'll do anything for God if it's BIG. If it's RISKY. If it's INTERESTING.

But laundry? Dusting? I can barely force myself to do them until the need is absolutely hours away. (OK, work with me, I might be a touch in the hyperbole mode—we don't live in a pig sty, I'm just saying...) It seems in my own mind, I'm trusting a Miracle Worker to do be on stand-by in case I ever get lupus...or need a timely phone call.....yet I'm not trusting him to help me kick my own pride and laziness in the pants and fold the laundry?

God of the Impossible, You are huge in my life. You own all the big details. Will you now help me to surrender the teeny things to you as well?

Top 15 Sights & Sounds from REV Wednesday

2010-05-05T23:45:00.008-05:00

1. Pastor Brian using his funny words like "swole" and "joker" and "care-a-mell."

2. Water splashing as 165-ish students & family cheered on 7 friends being baptized.

3. Balloons making that squeeeeeeee noise as 4 students played Hungry, Hungry HUMAN??? Whose idea was that anyway? Me, I think that's got Michael B written all over it!

4. Out of control highschool guys leading EVERYTHING from the clapping at Mr. T's song, to the HUGE support given to their friends being baptized.

5. Leah's energy. She has a job and a husband and a completely different life and yet she BRINGS IT every Wednesday. Her heart and her voice....both must be beautiful to her Creator.

6. The visual of Patty Rankin with PINK HAIR!!!!! To DYE for! If the $$$ gets raised and she does it, we will have to call her Pinky Rankin, right?

7. I had never thought about the "Taste and See" verse that way before. Until Brian talked about "his" Starbucks drink thaaaaat long....

8. ...On the other hand, I didn't know the recipe for a Grande "Care-a-mell" Frappuccino before, either*. Score!

9. The sight of student leader Brent Melton, there like he just don't care, having FOUR COLLEGE FINALS on Thursday, yet coming anyway because he's so dedicated and awesome!

10. Pens scratching out notes on REAL opportunities for growth (House of Prayer, for example). And PRACTICAL ideas for getting closer to God (10 & 10, best idea ever).

11. The 1980's icon, Mr. T, rapping about Mother's Day! And the added bonus of the sight of him wearing those '80s shorts that show about 80% of the man-thigh. Yikes!

12. Seeing so many of the students going for broke in worship. I am thinking of one student in particular. God is doing something so huge in them that, while they might have wanted recognition before, now they're making it an amazingly deep, internal thing where God gets the fame, not them. And not just that one, SO MANY students, not caring about anybody else in the whole room, just connecting with their Creator.

13. The twinkle in her eye and quiver in her lip as student leader Christian Caron was baptized. Nuff said. Wow.

14. Watching the adult visitors as they were watching the youth. I saw a lot of tissue dabbing and videocams and cell phone cams and all sorts of other cams they used to immortalize the big spiritual step their kids were taking tonight. SWEET!

15. The sound of skateboard wheels hitting asphalt as the sk8r boys went for the perfect grind, ollie, and kickflip out in the parking lot after it was all over.

* I am not sure, but think this is the recipe Brian read for his Grande Caramel Frappuccino:

1/2 cup caffeine, 1/2 cup cholesterol, 3 pounds sugar, 2 cups ice, 2 pounds carmel flavored syrup. ....All that ice can't be good for you.

Everything's fine until there's a snake

2010-04-30T15:05:00.006-05:00

This is the entrance to my bedroom.

This is ALSO where I discovered a SNAKE.

This trash can is upside down OVER the snake.

The basket with miscellaneous things on it

is weighing down the trash can,

which I had been sitting on for the last 10 minutes

phoning the various, local men in my life.

This is Frank, one of my neighbors.

He works 3rd shift.

God bless him, he came right over.

No concern for his own safety.

This is the cobra Frank caught for me.

His whole life flashed before my eyes

as he wrestled it into this container.

Here Frank is, laughing in the face of death.

Listen, I don't care if this baby cobra does fit

very easily in my 12 cup Rubbermaid container.

When you're minding your own business

all alone at home and then you realize

you're not alone after all,

and that pipe cleaner craft thingy isn't a craft after all,

matter of fact it has eyes and is looking at you!

And you've never had a snake in your house

BECAUSE YOU DO NOT LIVE IN THE COUNTRY....

FOR THAT VERY REASON........

suddenly everything changes.

It's all fun & games til there's a snake in the house.

THANKS FRANK! YOU'RE MY HERO!!!!!

Harley vs. Gold Wing

2010-04-15T10:38:00.017-05:00

I was at the intersection of 150th and Western last week. In the turn lane, next to me, was an older gentleman on a big, thick, shiny Gold Wing. He had beautiful white hair, cut high and tight and worn with more hair product than my whole family's heads put together. He was wearing gorgeous, 100% expensive loafers, and a blue short-sleeved business-casual shirt smartly tucked into his crisply ironed black jeans hemmed a la 1987 (so that you could see almost all of his black socks).

He stood out. Not in a bad way or a good way, he just stood out. It was obvious he had money and obvious he wasn't trying to win any fashion awards, but even more than that, it was obvious he was enjoying his ride out in the gorgeous sunshine after probably a long day at the office and then a chance to come home and change into his kick-around clothes.

What really stood out to me was noticing how much attention I was paying to him, and how many opinions, predictions, and "I'll-bet-he-" thoughts were able to enter my mind in the possibly 20 seconds we were waiting at the red light.

What happened next was so subtle yet so fabulous. The light was about to turn green for my Gold Wing Friend's left hand turn lane. In the intersecting street, a young guy on a gorgeous Harley Davidson had just come to a stop. I don't know much about Harleys, or motorcycles in general, but I know this Harley was the one I would want if I wanted one. It was nice. The kind of "nice" that you rawr a little when you say it. It was shiny and chromey and reddish-orangeish-blackish-silverish, leatherish-toughish-niiiice.

As my man passed the Harley, he waved. I believe he was thinking, "Hi! Lovely night for a bike ride, eh?" But when the Harley saw him, you could almost literally see the dilemma he experienced. "Wait. This guy isn't cool! He's old, he's riding the bike I think is sissy, and oh-em-gee, are those loafers? Should I wave?? I just don't know what to do!"

Harley Boy's hand did a flicker. The junior high flicker you did a hundred times? (Admit it...) When someone was waving to you, so you started to wave back but then you realized it was an unpopular kid so you quickly pulled your hand back down and pretended you never saw? Yeah, that one!

Really, guy?? Oh, that made me smile.

Just wave, man. You're both riding bikes. It's a gorgeous night. Are you still in school? Are you really too cool to wave?

I guess my point is—no wait. There is no point. It was just a funny slice of life I saw, and hoped you might think it was funny, too.

Express Yourself!

2010-04-11T21:40:00.017-05:00

There's an old saying I've heard since I was a kid that, at least to me, seems so hollow, bogus, and "code for something else." It is said in reference to people who "speak their mind," and it goes:

"You never have to wonder where you stand with that person."

Pah! I doubt it. Here's what I suspect that is loosely coded to mean: "Watch out, this guy will verbally tear you to shreds!"

Why do I suspect that? I have never heard someone who is a true encourager, see-the-best-in-everyone type described with that phrase. Even though they, too, "speak their [albeit positive] mind" about things. It seems only the mean and harsh ones merit that phrase.

My experience with people you "never have to guess where you stand" is that they will tell you when they're peeved (which is frequent) but they will rarely "speak their mind" about your fabulous new outfit, or your stellar tennis serve, or how much they love your smile.

So it makes me wonder. Does speaking one's mind always have to be a negative thing? And does one's world become worse because of how keen one is at observing the negative?

I have heard, "What you look for most, you tend to find." This was actually told to me by a friend who works at a retail store as an undercover theft discoverer person (yes, that is the technical job title....a UTDP.....let's go with that......) She told me that they frequently spot someone who is stealing before the would-be thieves make it out the door, because, with job experience, they learn to identify certain dispositions, expressions, patterns of walking about in the store, etc. OK, yeah, I'm bunny trailing pretty fast, right? Brace yourself for a hard left, back to the point. My point is that she explained there might be plenty of OTHER thefts occurring in her store, but the ones she catches most are the ones that fit what she is looking for most.

So if you're constantly speaking your mind about Mondays being the worst day ever, awful Mondays are what you'll be catching most. If you openly look for your boss to have it out for you, when your "speaking your mind" gets back to her, you will certainly catch what you were looking for.

I'm not stellar at it, but I try to live by principles that I read in the Bible. It actually talks quite a lot about the way we speak. It tells me we should lift each other up with songs and hymns and spiritual words. Matter of fact, that book tells me a lot about my stupid mouth. It says that what I think in my heart, I actually am. It asks who can control it? and says that the tongue is a tiny little thing like the rudder of a ship, yet it can steer the whole boat in whatever direction it takes. It tells me only to concentrate on whatsoever is true and noble and of good report.

So if you're one of those people who takes pride in telling it like it is, I challenge you to start looking for something positive to talk about too. Don't go around spouting your mouth only about the negative things on your mind. Speak your positive mind, too. And tell THAT like it is! You just might end up with a happier life.

TWO FOOTNOTES:

1- This post is not a reaction to an offense! Oh my! That's not my style anyway.

2-I am a total geek and wrote this and then came up with the hyperlinks to the songs. They don't add meaning to what I wrote, they just add ...value? nostalgia? ...multiple opportunities for my ADHD readers to bunny trail? ...proof that I myself am an ADHD writer???

Glorious Day

2010-04-02T10:41:00.013-06:00

Casting Crowns has done a new tune to Glorious Day, using the old words I grew up singing from a hymnal. It's been about all I can sing this week.

My heart is longing for Christ and is broken as I meditate on the weight he placed upon himself. This is the most beautiful and holy season of the year for those of us who follow Jesus (try to live out what he taught thousands of years ago). A sacred gratitude and humility is the only response I have to the gift He willingly gave for me.

To think of his beautiful, sinless life, spilled out for me

....To consider his obedience to the death

....and then to rejoice in the fact that death could not hold this perfect man down!!!

There are some things that cannot be explained. The peace and joy that comes from knowing, loving, accepting Christ as my savior is one of those things. You have to experience it for yourself to understand what I mean. It is ancient, brand new, calm, high, sacred, rebellious, peaceful, energizing...thin as air, bright as light, heavy as earth, thick as blood. The world didn't give it and the world can't take it away. It is unexplainable.

If you need peace and joy in your heart, look to Him. If you feel something is missing in your life, consider Him. If you find an unexplained longing in your heart and spirit, it is his spirit drawing you. What is eternal in each of us is the part that feels these needs, that asks these questions. And Jesus Christ is the One who has the answers.

In this beautiful season, as the earth celebrates new life blooming, consider if something in your spirit is waiting to grow, wanting to burst forth into new life!

GLORIOUS DAY

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He's coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing
My Savior, Jesus, is mine

Oh, glorious day

What's New??

2010-03-30T12:58:00.015-06:00

This blog post is not a funny story about kids, and it's not one of my life observations. It's basically just a thick slice of what I've been into lately...in no particular order.

Jen HartNSoul has a new look! What do you think?

Drinking water and coffee at the same time. At Vintage a few days ago the barista gave me a glass of ice water along with my latte and as goofy as I thought it was, it was actually quite enjoyable, and I've been getting more H20 ever since!
I love me some non-fiction, and 20 year brain researcher Dr. Caroline Leaf is super intersting! I just finished her fabulous book Who Switched Off My Brain? Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions.

Great cooking sites: www.sevenspoons.net and thepioneerwoman.com and allrecipes.com
Fabulous product for spring if you suffer with pollen & allergies: nasal rinse (ew! ...but ah!)

Super podcast from a not-so-famous but really great, down-to-earth genuine heart: Click here to listen to Pastor Pete Hixson from Vinings Lake website, or search "Vinings Lake" on iTunes.
Fun friend Jessica Pero is grouping up for a new online hair site. When her website is up, I will put a hyperlink here. Best of wishes, Jessica! Can't wait to receive the handcrafted flowerbow for my daughter's Easter hairdo! (And while you're waiting for THAT link, do check out another friend Jamie Baddorf's adorable and affordable Swanky Aprons!)
Speaking of Easter, check out Sally Hansen's Diamond Strength #94! Black, small amount of micro sparkles, very non-colorful color I'm wearing on mah nails for Easter. It's different (for me, at least) and you can't argue with $2.99 at Walgreens, so there.
Great iPhone app: MomentDiary. Using Twitter's 140-character format, you can use it to track what you're doing, things you want to tell your husband at the end of the day, moods, foods, whatever. (Note it is a diary, though, and cannot interface with Twit/FB.)
Promising new allergy treatments for my kiddo with peanut allergies. This is one of those gambles where you try it because it can't hurt but it might change your life. So, you can bet that if it works, I'll be giving it a few detailed posts on this blog so that you, too, can share in the anti-allergy campaign.

Smooth Legs and Authentic Friendships

2010-03-26T09:40:00.005-06:00

Do you remember 7th grade? Girls start shaving their legs by then (some start earlier), and guys start making peach fuzz that they can either shave (in order to say "I shave,") or grow out (in order to say "I need to shave.")

I was in 7th grade, and, truth be told, I was a late bloomer and didn't really need to shave. I still had the blonde, elementary leg fuzz. So while some of my friends shaved to keep from looking like a teddy bear, I shaved to keep from looking like a little girl who still had one.

One day I went to school after probably a week or two of not shaving the baby fuzz, and a friend said, "OH MY GOSH, LOOK AT JENNY'S LEGS!"

I laugh now, just picturing it, because my perspective now is so much different from back then. If someone pointed out unshaved legs now, I would be embarrassed at myself. But back then, you can't imagine how angry I was at her for pointing out something on me that was, entirely, my choice. I thought she was the meanest girl in the world. (Little did I yet know, every 7th grader is the meanest girl in the world!) How dare she point out that I hadn't shaved! How humiliating! ....I felt it entirely her fault, not my own. Somehow it was her fault for pointing out the quarter inch lawn growing all over my gams.

As I look back at it now, I think that might have been the very day where I decided shaving was worth the extra 4 minutes in the shower. Had I not been so embarrassed, I probably would have kept wearing my legs at a 1 guard. And that would have been more embarrassing in the long run. I see in hindsight that having one friend in one class point out something was a lot better than going on like that for a few more years and having everyone know me as Jungle Jenny behind my back! (See how easy it was to come up with that name? Proof that I'm still a middle schooler at heart, right?)

Thinking of the friends I have had in my life, there seem to be two types. One is the person who loves me for who I am and doesn't try to change me at all. The other is the person who tells it bluntly, rudely, abruptly, like it is. I get offended by this type of person. But you know what. A lot of the growth I have experienced has been directly because of those friends and their toothy truths.

It's a shame, as you get older you have time for fewer friends, and so you make time for the ones that you have the best time with, feel the best around, enjoy the most, have kids your same age with, etc. You have fewer people in your life who will tell you to shave your legs, stop talking like a geek, quit doing this/that, and gaw you're getting fat!

Adults are much too polite to say those things.

And so, in that way, adults are a bit more fake.* But to have a healthy balance would be good. We adults, especially in the last decade or so, have started to adopt a 100% fatalistic view of others. Pop psychologists tell us we can't change anyone, so we should be polite, politically correct, and just watch as they make mistakes and hurt themselves.

Doesn't seem very friendly to me.

Somewhere there has got to be a balance. Sure my friend was a bit rude about my legs. But wouldn't it have been more unfriendly to watch me humiliate myself unawares? Isn't there anyone polite enough now to alert a friend if they're driving off a cliff?

You might have heard the phrase iron sharpens iron. That means that while one piece of iron might have a lot in common with another piece, they will occasionally (and occasionally intentionally) clash into each other. And even if it creates a spark or two, the end result is two pieces of iron who are sharper and better than before.

*I'm not saying that adults are the only ones who are fake. Everyone can be fake. Teens are fake too, just in different ways.

Pedal > Coast + Coast > Stop

2010-03-18T15:38:00.016-06:00

Today's warm weather and sunshine afforded my kids and me our first Bike-Ride-To-The-Park Day in a few months. It was great. But since it's been a while, the kids' little muscles were tired by the time they pedaled there, played hard, and then started their way back.

They needed a push.

As we slowly made our way back home, I saw a pretty good life lesson in the way they took their pushes. Both kids were getting the same push, but what they did with it made the difference in how well they fared.

Kelton took the pushes I gave in order to compliment his own pedaling and kept going. And going. And going.

Macy coasted off the power of each push until she came to another stop. And another. And another.

While they both spanned the same distance, Kelton was less exhausted by the end. It became very evident that to keep pedaling, even very slowly, required less effort than to start from zero a dozen times.

Pedaling is better than coasting. And coasting is better than stopping altogether. Even if you didn't get the same push as someone else. And even if your bike isn't as fancy. Seems to me that no matter how intent you are about your final destination, it is best to keep on moving, don't stop.

(Respect the bunny trail here for a minute: Oh yes, I did just sneak some old school lyrics in there! Be sure to click for some lesser-known Soul II Soul goodness....)

I think about some of the times in life that I've pedaled so fast and furious that I couldn't even stay up to coast afterward. Complete burn-out.

But more frequently, I think of times—usually when I am exhausted and wish I could stop but for whatever reason absolutely can't—that even slowly pedaling would have been better than coasting. And even coasting would have been better than giving up and doing nothing at all.

Want another picture? Think about how much laundry there is after a vacation. Even "coasting" one load a day would have been better than the mountain you now face in your laundry room.

Think about staring at the stranger you have been "coasting" along with with after your youngest moves out of the house. Even "slow pedaling" one date night a month would be better than not knowing the stranger sleeping next to you.

Think about hearing the doctor give you a new list of daily meds, side effects and things to avoid after finding out it's more serious than just slightly high cholesterol. Suddenly 30 minutes on the treadmill doesn't seem like such a hard ride. Suddenly, the exercise that seemed to be too exhausting seems worth it when the doc is saying your "bike ride" might be ending too soon... unless you make some changes.

Watching my kids take their pushes in order to make it home, I realized that there were several areas in my life that need to step up a notch or two. Things I've allowed to stop that need a push. Areas of coasting that really need to slow pedal. Slow pedaling that require more oomph.

What, in your life, requires full speed? Are some areas getting too much pedaling? Not enough? Is your destination set? Are you enjoying the ride? If not, visit them soon. And tell them Soul II Soul ... and Hart N Soul sent you.

Growing up with Sirens: the Oklahoma Snooze Button

2010-03-15T00:00:00.001-06:00

My friend Mary Griffin wrote a status update on her facebook page that cracked me up. (And inspired me to write a blog post!) She wrote:

"Really looking forward to the statewide tornado drill today. So glad it is scheduled during nap time. Maybe I'll take this as a reminder to clean out the closet we're supposed to hide in during bad weather. It's been taken over by crafts...they have multiplied, divided, and conquered."

Isn't that fabulous? The crafts part was funny, but it was the Tornado Drill that sparked my response. Here in Oklahoma they test their tornado sirens at noon every Saturday. Does it scare the Oklahomans? No. The Oklahoman children? Absolutely not. My kids, weekly, shout delightedly "It's NOON!"

We've had the sirens go off for "real" multiple times, and unless the sky is green and they know it's real, the kids have looked at me puzzled, knowing it's not noon....so what could it possibly be???

I didn't realize the depth of the classical conditioning until a not-terribly-intelligent-but-extremely-sweet cashier was checking us out one Saturday at noon. When she heard the sirens begin, she said to us, in a quite-factual tone, "You know what that means, right? It's noon." We laughed and, going along with her funny joke, said, "Right! ...and it has nothing to do with the weather system, only letting us know it's noon on Saturday, right? ha ha—?"

*cricket.... *cricket.... *cricket.....

And maybe she was just one of those straight-faced joke tellers that finds hilarity in someone delivering their punch line as if they truly believe it? But I doubt it. She looked at us saying "ha ha," as if we just told her we were from planet Weathertron. A sort of "wait—I don't get it," haze in her gaze.

I know the reasoning behind it is to make sure the sirens still work when they are needed—and they are needed a lot out here—but it makes me laugh to wonder if we've gone to the farthest extreme of preparedness. What if one day when we need the sirens, they will have worn out because of all the testing? Do Oklahomans diligently arise and respond to tornado drills each Saturday noon, in the event of a real emergency, or has it simply made us learn to ignore deafeningly loud alarms? Could it be that our Saturday drills are simply . . . the Oklahoma Snooze button?

The great balancing act: Kindness vs. Goodness

2010-03-10T10:24:00.007-06:00

Have you ever stopped to think that you can be so kind you aren't good anymore; and so good you aren't kind anymore?

Being kind at the expense of goodness makes us enablers. There's a lot of "love them without having an agenda" philosophy out there, which isn't entirely bad. Yes, we should all be unconditional love junkies, patterning after God, who showed us unconditional love by sending his son to die as payment our sins while we were still sinners. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about things that if you do love someone, you love them enough to tell them the truth, help them out, help them up. I'm talking about loving someone enough to see the possibilities in them that they might not even see

themselves.

On the other hand, being good at the expense of kindness makes us pharisees. There is comfort in rules. Comfort in check lists. Being able to work hard, check off all our "thou shalts" and "thou shalt nots" and then declare ourselves perfect. But that type of self-absorption leaves little room for guidance from God's Spirit....the occasional Holy change in flight pattern that He might want us to roll with. Some people would be annoyed with God if he told them to stop reading their Bible in order to go help their neighbor move a big piece of furniture. Their goodness gets in the way of seeing how their kindness this time might show God's love better.

That is what I am looking at in my life this week. Am I being too good? too kind? not good enough? not kind enough? Ah, Balance, come let us reason together!

These ideas were inspired by a book I read several years ago, Living Beyond Yourself by Beth Moore, which looks at one of the characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit each week; except for the kindness/goodness characteristic, which she says balance each other.

Gold Medal Pizza

2010-03-09T13:21:00.000-06:00

In honor of the Olympics, I'm posting my Gold Medal Pizza recipe. I guarantee it's the best thin crust homemade pizza you'll make, and because of the wheat flour and turkey sausage, it's relatively good for you, too. Follow the directions as well as the recipe: the ingredients make it tasty, but the technique makes it crispy.

P.S. Take note: this recipe is long, but it's not actually difficult.

HART N SOUL GOLD MEDAL PIZZA

Crust

1 package active dry yeast

1 t. white sugar

1 c. warm water (use a food thermometer and get it to 110°)

1 1/2 c. unbleached white flour

1 c. whole wheat flour

2 T. olive oil

Spices--

1 t. salt

1 t. garlic powder

1. t. dried parsley

1 t. italian spices or oregano

1/2 t. onion powder

1/2 t. black pepper

Toppings

1 pound turkey sausage

20 slices pepperoni

Real parmesan cheese, grated

1/2 can Ragu pizza sauce

2+ cups mozzarella cheese

any other toppings you like

In a medium bowl, disolve yeast and sugar in warm water. Cover and let stand until it's frothy, about 10 minutes. I heat my electric burner to "low," turn it off, and then let the covered bowl rest on top for 10 minutes.

Stir in oil and spices. Don't get all picky about measuring out the spices, either. Just give in to the passionate spirit of Italy as you add a pinch here and a dash there. Add flour and stir together until smooth. If it's too wet, add a tablespoon of flour at a time until it doesn't stick to the side of the bowl. Cover again and allow to stand for another 15 minutes in a warmish spot.

Meanwhile, in a medium hot skillet, cook and crumble up 1 pound of turkey sausage, drain and set aside.

Use canola spray or rub on a little Crisco on baking plate. Lightly salt if you like (I do!).

Play with (knead) the dough for a minute or two in the bowl—the "punch down" phase—and then turn the edges under so it makes a nice ball. Roll the ball with a pin if you like, or push it out onto the dish. (I do either, depending on the mood, but find a little more varied and pleasing texture by smooshing it out manually.) If you roll it, do so on a flat, floured surface and transfer to the dish. If you hand-push it, just place the dough ball directly on the dish.

NO TOPPINGS YET. Bake it naked for 7 to 10 minutes in a 425° oven, until it's done. Not toasted crisp, but not doughy at all, either.

Take your crust out of the oven and off the dish and completely cool on a rack. (You, like I, might have to place two racks together to fit the large crust over both.) Sprinkle with a small amount of parmesan cheese while it cools. This will make a little barrier for the sauce not to make the crust so wet later on.

After cooling, dribble a small amount of pizza sauce evenly all over the crust. Think red polka dots. I use Ragu's pizza sauce, and only 1/2 of a small jar for this whole pizza.

Add 2 cups shredded Mozzarella, turkey sausage, pepperoni and whatever other toppings you like. I put the meat on top because it keeps the cheese moist and you can blot it with a napkin better that way. (Are we the only family that blots our pizza before we eat it? Especially greasy restaurant pizza???)

This time, use the baking dish only to transfer the pizza to the oven. Slide the crust off the pan and directly onto the medium oven rack. When it comes back out of the oven, transfer it into the dish again, allow to cool for a few minutes before cutting (helps the cheese cut better) and then enjoy!

Micro-post #1 The great balancing act: Kindness vs. Goodness

2010-03-04T08:54:00.009-06:00

The sun is shining and I am longing for some consistently warmer weather. Growing up in northern Ohio, I was used to warm coats and bundling up from Halloween to the first week in May, at the very least! Living here in Oklahoma, I can honestly say this is the farthest north I ever want to live. Sunshine and me, we're more than friends.

Except that paragraph was more of a bunny trail than an introduction. The main point I wanted to make in that introduction is that my brain turns as consistently as the seasons. When the weather turns warm, my thoughts, realizing they've been as cold and harsh as the weather, become warmer, kinder, better.

And why, I don't know, but that nearly always coincides with a week or two of country music. There's something cold and calculated about classical music and hard rock. They belong in the winter. But when little chicks pop out of Easter eggs and baby bunnies hop through the grass and buds appear on the trees and flowers, country music is the only way to go.

Just like the month of March, my country music phase goes in like a lion and out like a lamb. It's all I hear from the first day I realize it's that time of [my psychological] year again. But eventually country artists start to drive me nuts again like they mostly do from May to February.

...But, man, there's something about Spring.

......And occasionally summer.

.........And nostalgic moods.

............And what's happening to the world moods.

................And I'm going to be a better person moods.

...................Oh, and also possibly a week at harvest time, if we're going to be perfectly honest...

Yeah, well this was going to be about Kindness vs. Goodness but it ended up being about spring and country music. Hmph. Well, since the title is microblog, I guess we'll have to visit kindness and goodness next time

around. And yes, it's OK to admit this is the best, most brilliant blog post I've ever written. Thank you, I agree......really.....

A letter to Spring about my affair with Winter

2010-02-28T23:04:00.014-06:00

My Dear, Sweet Spring,

I have a confession. Certainly you have seen a change in me. I am sure you can tell just by looking at me that I had a temporary lapse in judgment and was lured into the arms of Winter. It was a big mistake. WAIT! Just HEAR ME OUT, OK? I was thinking of you the whole time! You don't believe me? Please! Just let me explain.

See, Spring, you've been gone. You know how hard distance relationships are. And baby, I've missed your warmth. Back when I had you, my days were full of happiness and sunshine. When you left, being without you left me cold inside and out! There's no other way to say it—you were hot and I loved it.

But then you were gone. And no matter how many of Winter's creamy delicious soups I ate, I couldn't get warm. No matter how many rolls fresh out of the oven..... or night after night with a steamy, hot vanilla latte...... I am ashamed, I honest am. None of those fat-and-calorie-laden foods could make me feel as warm inside as you, Springypoo!

Sure, I was duped for a while. I mean, my winter boots are super cute; but in your gym shoes is really where I belong. I mean, yeah the fur lining and suede along with my skinny jeans was fun, but it was nothing compared with having ACTUAL skinny legs from working out and I see that now! Please, Spree-Spree!

I just need to admit my weakness for those extra Christmas calories, turn my back on them, and get back into the heart-pumping cardio I used to have with you. Please take me back! Make me skinny once more! I promise to let my lips touch none but the salads and smart proteins we used to have together. Let's work hard on our relationship and then maybe we can even take a vacation together, just you and me and the beach. By then everyone will know that we're together again.

I know I've got some baggage (aka junk in the trunk), but I'll do better this time, I swear!

Yours forever this time, really, I pinky promise!

Jen HartnSoul

P.S. Winter, if you're reading this, I am LEAVING YOU! You are fat and pasty, and you're no good for me. I'm staying with Spring from NOW ON! (...OK, maybe you can call me next November....)

My family's take on the Olympics

2010-02-22T16:41:00.019-06:00

If you've seen my facebook you know I'm a fan of writing out real-life dialog from my family. My kids have quite a way with words,* and my husband might be quiet, but he's the funniest guy I know.

Two recent HartNSoul family convos, both Olympic flavored, were just too fabulous not to share.

Last Wednesday, while I was at REVOLUTION with our church's student ministry, the rest of the HartnNSouls were at home. The kids were playing in the house and G went to the couch and turned on the Olympics.

Gavin: "KB! Olympics are on! Come and see this SICK snowboarding!"

Kelton of course immediately rushed over to watch with his daddy.

A few minutes later, Kelton heard Macy and realized she might like to watch, too. So he tried to call for her the same hip-lingo way his daddy had called him:

KB: "Macy! Olympics are on! Come and see this THROW-UP snowboarding!!"

We definitely enjoy the snowboarding. This figure skating thing is another story. I enjoyed watching the Chinese couple who has been skating for 18 years together claim their gold. Their program was gorgeous. I also enjoyed watching Evan Lysacek. But Gavin? Not so much. Walking down the hall, carrying a load of laundry to the bedroom one evening, he randomly told me, "I can't stand it."

"Stand What?" I asked.

"These dudes! Skating all alone on the ice!" he whined.

Well, too bad, by later that evening, we were watching the SOLO DUDES anyway. But Gavin was falling asleep. Fast. He usually gives me a quick

warning. Something like, "I'm fading fast, hon. If you have anything that needs said, better do it now before I'm totally asleep."

This time it was a little more creative. He said, "I can't stay awake much longer. These girls look funny, and also they're really flat chested." (um, yes, dear...they're dudes, that might be why...)

*BONUS CONVO FROM MY FACEBOOK PAGE:

[kids & i getting out of the car to go shopping]
Kelton: WOW! Do you SMELL THAT? it smells like really, really, REALLY good cheeseburgers!"
Me: Mmm, yeah, it's that steakhouse across the street. Wow, that *does* smell good--"
Macy [interrupting]: OH MY GOSH, *WHAT* did you just say? Steak cows?"
Me: No, honey, Steak *house*.
Macy: "Oh, thank heaven! 'Cause I was like, steak cows??? Ew, that's disgusting, who would want to eat COWS? Gross!!!"

Why can't I think??? Target, shoes, and global connectedness

2010-02-09T12:52:00.014-06:00

I was coming out of Target. Had my earbuds in, grabbing my keys from my purse.

CRASH, I heard the noise of keys dropping. Turning around, I saw that it was the dude behind me who had dropped his keys and was bending over to pick them up. When he stood up, we saw each other and noticed that we both had white earbuds in our ears.

I pointed to my earbuds and said, "I couldn't tell if that was my keys or yours." We both laughed and nodded, understanding that we were each partially deaf, then smiled and were on our separate ways to our cars.

As he walked ahead of me I noticed his shoes. Great shoes. I wonder if my husband would like those. Then I noticed that the light gold minivan I was walking toward, he arrived at first, opened and hopped in. WOAH. That's HIS ride I was walking toward, Mr. Earbuds-and-Black-Shoes!

I quickly diverted, now wondering where my own light gold minivan was. And wondering if this guy is somehow my cosmic brother or something....

Seriously, that's all it took for me to blow my concentration! The same earbuds, a pair of shoes, a similar car... and my mind spazzed on me! WHY CAN'T I THINK!!!!

Actually, I'm not being fair to myself. I do think. I just think weird....ly. Instead of Where did I park my car, my mind is occupied with Wow, I wonder how many OTHER people in this world just dropped THEIR keys at that exact same second as me and my

new-found cosmic brother.

When I sneeze that is a guaranteed thought through my mind every time:

I wonder how many thousands of people on this planet sneezed at the exact same time I just did. Or if God might have somehow made our sneezes time out to play a melody together, or fantastic rhythm.... As if sneezing, too, makes us cosmic brothers and sisters.

I wonder how many other people lost their car in the parking lot and blogged about it. Yeah, probably at least a hundred. I'm probably not as original as I think. But then again, not being one-in-6.8-billion links me, in a good way, to the rest of humanity. I don't have to be the only one. Probably don't even want to be. I just have to be true to me. Lost car and all.

Check this blog out if you have little girls!

2010-02-03T13:39:00.001-06:00

http://www.cutegirlshairstyles.com/

Jedi mind tricks: Getting your kids to eat vegetables.

2010-02-02T12:15:00.016-06:00

I am sitting on the couch watching Between The Lions with my kids while we enjoy day #4 of snow days (seriously!). They have just finished lunch, and I am just starting mine.

Don't judge me, I know my lunch isn't the best, but it's a steam bag of snap peas. If vegetables were bad for you, I would still eat them. I like the taste, OK?

As I am sitting here, my kids are coming up to me, opening their mouths like little birdies—"Oh mommy, please let us have some of your delicious snap peas." (OK, they're not really saying that, but their little open mouths are cute.) They finished their lunch not 10 minutes ago. They are full. This is their dessert of choice!

My kids like soda pop and cake and icecream and candy, too. But kids don't need encouragement for that. So how do you get your kids to eat their greens? and oranges? and yellows?

Talk about veg as rewards for toddlers. When my kids were small, I would say things to them—occasionally, not all the time or else they'd get it—like, "Remember, Kelton, Sweet things go in Sweet mouths. When Mommy hears you say mean words to your sister, she can't let you have yummy foods like carrots."

Seriously. Marketing isn't just for grownups! It's all in how you word it. I have even gone so far as to get up in the middle of dinner, take a naughty child's dinner plate, and scrape off the greenbeans in disappointment while saying something very sympathetic like, "Macy, I didn't want it to have to come to this, but if you can't remember to use your manners, I can't just let you eat whatever you want. Rewards are for good behavior. I hate having to throw these away but I'm afraid you won't learn your lesson otherwise!" (Pretty twisted, right?)

Strategically brag to your friends about how much your kids love vegetables. Things they get attention for are things they are destined to do over and over. More succinctly, Rewarded behavior is Repeated behavior. Don't pull them over and present a reward at your next party, just make sure they are within earshot while you tell a girlfriend over the phone. Beware going overboard—they totally get it when we "talk up" something that shouldn't be. But just every once in a while, "Kelton just LOVES his salad, isn't that great!?"

Pose it as a maturity thing. There is no lie in this, the simple fact is that as we get older, we start to enjoy more foods. But saying, "It's OK! As you get older, you'll start to like them," creates a sense of expectancy for them that they probably will like them at some point, just like they probably will be able to ride a bike: Don't worry if you can't right now, you'll figure it out when you're older, babe! And the day they actually do? They feel so much older! Way to go, kiddo!

By all means, lay this one on as thick as you want. On the outside you're saying, "As you mature, you'll start to like them," but on the inside you're thinking, "You can show me you're older and wiser by faking that you like these beets. And after you fake that you like them once or twice, you actually will like them. GOTCHA!"

Serve veg at every meal but breakfast. Zero guilt for canned corn here, folks. Not everything has to be fresh picked from your neighborhood organic co-op garden. Better to have a can of something than four more chicken nuggets.....(or cookies for a snack half an hour after nobody got filled up by lunch!) You can't complain that your kids don't like vegetables if you don't offer them regularly.

Don't ever, ever, ever say they're yucky. Even as a joke. I have heard parental praise that has been more put-down to veg than praise to kid! "OH MY GOSH, you ATE all that broccoli?! Whatsa matter with you? You actually LIKE that stuff?? Ha ha, just teasing, hon, I'm really proud of you for choking those down!" You just reinforced that their immature taste buds are correct in thinking asparagus is bleck just because it doesn't taste like chocolate cake!

Explain to older kids that sometimes it takes a few bites for the taste to get in your mouth. When I first introduced cauliflower and cheese sauce to Kelton, he was mad just looking at it! Normally I would have simply said,"OK, you'll like it when you get older," but I knew he would like it! So I made him take 4 bites, explaining that by then, the taste would get in his mouth and he'd like it. He was not a happy camper. (I usually don't force vegetables.) But by the 4th bite, he realized he actually did like it. It's actually his favorite now.

Find a scapegoat and be a good guy. Confession: I don't like brussel sprouts. But one time I decided we would like them. Psh, whatever. Those things are disgusting! I prepared them and said the taste would get in our mouths after a few bites. Well a few bites came and went. And we hated them. Even though they had a really good sauce on them and everything. So we cut our losses and decided never to have them again. That was a victory for two reasons! 1-I got to be the hero for letting us stop eating this disgusting excuse for sustenance, and 2-I can remind the kids that other vegetables are good. After all, I didn't make us eat brussel sprouts, did I? So if beets were so bad, we wouldn't serve those either! You'll start to like them as you get older, honey.

Hey, I might not be the most successful mom in a lot of areas, but this is one area we've had good success in and if you have little ones and do these tips, you can too!

Hearty Winter Recipes: Granola and Hippy Chicken Noodles

2010-01-12T13:06:00.012-06:00

Well it's winter, so I say it's time to share some hearty recipes. These recipes are simple, but they are a bit long. Enjoy!

Sweet and Crunchy Granola

This is roughly from my favorite cookbook, Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything. The best thing about homemade granola is that there are no preservatives or extra ingredients you don't like. And of course it tastes better because you can tweak it to exactly what you want more and less of! Add in or take away any of the ingredients listed or any ingredients in cereal you like.

2 T. vegetable oil
6 c. rolled oats (old fashioned, not 1-minute oats)
2 c. mixed nuts and seeds: sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, chopped walnuts, pecans, almonds, etc. (Since my daughter has a nut allergy, I use dried banana chips for the extra crunch, but not 2 cups!)
1 c. dried shredded coconut, sweetened or unsweetened
1 t. cinnamon
1 t. salt
1 c. honey, maple syrup, or a combination of each.

Preheat oven to 300. Place a metal 9x13 baking dish across two burners on the the stovetop over medium heat. Heat oil. Stir in oats and toast over heat for 5 minutes or so, turning frequently until oats slightly change color and get fragrant.

Add in nuts and turn for another 2 or 3 minutes.

Add in coconut and continue cooking for another 2 or 3 more minutes.

Add in salt, cinnamon, and sweetner and turn for 2 minutes.

Place in the oven for 20 minutes, stirring about 3 times.

Take out and toss together with fruit. Allow to cool on a rack, stirring every once in a while until it reaches room temperature. Store in an airtight container when completely cooled.

Hippy Chicken Noodles

I named it this because it uses Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme, the same spices Simon & Garfunkle used in Scarborough Fair. (Take a moment to click on the link and listen if you're not familiar with the song. It'll do your Inner Hippy some good . . . and so will this soup!)

4 chicken breasts
about 32 oz chicken stock
about 32 oz of water
1 large package Reames frozen egg noodles
1 small onion
3 large celery ribs, sliced
1/2 small carrot, sliced
1 t. parsley 1 t. sage
1 t. rosemary 1 t. thyme
1 t. salt 1 t. celery salt
1 t. seasoned salt t. black pepper
1 t. garlic

Cook 4 chicken breasts in the oven and let them cool enough to roughly pull apart (It will crumble the rest of the way in the pot). Meanwhile, preheat a little oil in a large skillet, stir in onion, and turn until translucent. Add water and chicken stock and heat to a boil. Add noodles and return to a boil. Add celery for taste and and carrot for color (too much carrot overly sweetens the soup). Add chicken and all the spices and simmer for at least an hour.

What did Jesus look like?

2010-01-07T13:16:00.015-06:00

Today has been an awesome day. The schools were closed for nearly no reason at all, and my children and I have been reading books, sculpting playdoh, cooking, snacking, and for Macy, recovering from some pretty nasty breathing difficulties that kept her out of school yesterday.

The question came up, What did Jesus look like? I told them I'd Google him and see what it came up with. I am going to share the following images (All the images I pulled off the computer to show them) with you.

One of these offended my children. Look through them and see if you can guess which one it was. I'll write the answer below in a smaller, darker font.

You might have guessed it. OK, probably not. They are offended about the dude in the red t-shirt. Because they say they didn't have red t-shirts back then. All the others are across the board equally probable to them, including the blond guy and the other guy wearing modern clothes. There might not be red T's but there apparently were pinstripe navy suit jackets! Oh, and they also didn't believe the yellow-skinned Lego Jesus, but they they lovvvved Him and I hope you do [love Jesus] too!

The erroneous allure of yes

2010-01-05T08:34:00.012-06:00

As a child something bothered me big-time: being told no.

I bet you can relate. Sometimes I was told no to things that seemed completely yes-worthy. No for the sake of no. I never fathomed that there might be a long-term, adult-understood reason for that particularly offensive word. The fact was this: if it seemed OK to my 8 (or 12, or 17) year old brain, then it was ok, and the only reason my parents or teachers said no was that they were mean. Not because they had a reason beyond my ability to comprehend. Not because they loved me and knew what was best. They just liked saying no, that's all.

I told myself as a teen that when I was a parent*, unless there was a good reason to say no, I would say yes.

What was going on behind the scenes was something I didn't understand. I didn't see that every time I was told no, it built an immunity in me. It taught me that it is OK to experience adversity—even from good people. It is OK to disagree. It is OK to have to come up with a Plan B. It is OK to have to scrap everything, to go back to the drawing board, to experience self-doubt, to get creative. Matter of fact, in a secondary way, it taught me that compromise is very frequently a positive thing. That I won't die if I can't get my way. That I might actually like my second idea better even than my first. That I might actually like someone else's idea better even than mine. And that if I don't, being disappointed is survivable.

Being told no made me stronger.

I never realized it. But now that I have my own children (who feel, as I did, that they will crumble to dust when they don't get their way), I see the wisdom my parents and teachers had. I see that, even if they were saying no just to say no, it was a positive thing. It was good for me. And it is good for my kids, too.

...Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a big slice of humble pie I need to finish off.

*"When I am a parent": five of the most dangerous, ridiculous, crazy-making, guilt-inducing, righteous-seeming, perfect-pretending, failure-setting-up, just-you-wait-and-see words you will ever say to yourself.

Why I don't smoke, minus guilt or religion

2009-12-12T19:52:00.009-06:00

I am not a fan of giving smokers guilt-trips. I think seeing the Surgeon General's warning each time you buy a pack is probably guilt enough, and if it's not, it might actually somehow build a guilt immunity! Laying aside guilt trips and/or religious beliefs, there are still plenty of reasons not to.

In writing this, I want to make it clear, however, that I don't judge people who smoke. It is obvious to me that the addiction is so strong that even though they can list these same reasons I do (and probably many more), they still have to keep doing it. I have had many friends who quit smoking and am inspired by their strength. I don't know that I could be that strong, though, which is one of the reasons I don't smoke to begin with. That is actually my first reason:

It's insanely addictive. I don't like being out of control, so I don't want to willingly hook myself to something that will cause me agony to quit....if I actually can.
I can't afford it. When I get into something new, I go for broke metaphorically, so there is no doubt I'd be a pack-a-day smoker and go broke literally.
I hate being cold and wet. Smoking is so addictive that people who would normally stay inside during snowstorms, tornadic activitity, etc. have to regularly step outside of their homes and offices to get a fix. I have heard people say judgmental things about smokers taking breaks out in the cold. But not me. I feel bad for them. That can't be fun.
I'm intentionally not mentioning cancer because it's a little bit obvious and a little bit overplayed. Nobody thinks they're going to get cancer, myself included. ...however, the attitude from the medical community toward smokers who do get cancer is pretty nasty, so I'm mentioning it in my next bullet point.
A "you deserve it" attitude if you get cancer. All other cancer victims are treated with compassion and dignity. People with lung cancer have a stigma. I don't ever want to give someone a reason to judge me, think I invested daily in my own deathwish, or tell me I'm the reason their insurance is so expensive.
It's not healthy. Organic? All-natural? Fagetaboutit! People who smoke get a cold or flu 2 to 4 times as often as non-smokers. It's hard enough to have perfect attendance to work or school in normal life, much less when you're sick twice as much as your friends. And I don't know about you, but I don't look so hot with puffy eyes, chapped nose, coughing, hacking, sniffing, dripping.....yechhhh.
Speaking of looking hot, I read that smoking takes the elasticity out of your skin, especially on your neck. And if you look, a lot of people who have been smoking for years have a kinda saggy look. There are cosmetic procedures you can have done for facial wrinkles but the neck and the hands aren't so fixable. Who wants to age 10 or 20 years faster than their friends?!
One word: Pew. You can't mask the smell. It gets stuck in your hair, your clothes, your coats. Heck, if you smoke in your house, you can't even lend a friend a book without it smelling. Much less if you're trying to pretend like you don't. People know.

Life and Football: Be in it to win it!

2009-12-05T16:17:00.011-06:00

I've spent the afternoon watching football, being amazed by a couple 4th quarter game steals, and thinking about how sports can parallel real life in some crucial ways (importance of preparation, endurance, good sportsmanship, etc.) and realizing there are a few things that are sadly not often mirrored in day-to-day life.

Some ways football does NOT parallel the real world:

It's OK to talk up your team.

In football, no matter what the question, it's OK to use it as an opportunity to brag up the team's amazing defense/offense, the coach's wisdom in calling a play despite opposition, their ability to pull a win out of their own boot straps, etc.

In real life, we are even embarrassed to tell people it's our birthday.

It's fine to accept a loss as a fluke.

In football, sometimes the right opportunity comes out of nowhere and—boom—somehow the Miami Dolphins beat the New England Patriots. That's crazy! Do you think NE is upset? Sure. Do you think they can point to a handful of reasons they lost the game? Absolutely. But are they shaken? quaking? about to have an identity crisis? No way!

In real life, sometimes even the smallest failure feels like an epic, personal bankruptcy. Sheesh, give yourself a giant break!

It's absolutely necessary to have a strategy.

Football coaches know the teams they're up against. They study their plays, identify their key players, and decide how to exploit their weaknesses.

In real life, sometimes we just let stuff happen. Day by day. Year by year. No life game plan. Rolling merrily down the stream. Life without a plan passes fast as a dream, and it's over before we've gotten to earn our big win.

...So, to wrap it up in the Post Blog Show: Show some team spirit for yourself and the ones you love. Don't beat yourself up. And don't just sit there—make a plan, go by your play book, stick with it and Go, Team, GO!

On being—and not being—ITK

2009-12-02T13:02:00.014-06:00

"Every Generation blames the one before....and all of their frustrations come beating on your door..." these are lyrics from a song in the '80s by Mike and the Mechanix, and it makes a nice intro to my thoughts today, for two pertinent reasons:

it talks about how kids and parents just don't get each other sometimes, and
it's an obscure song that probably nobody born in the 90s or after would be aware of.

It has to do with being ITK: In-The-Know.

You thought being ITK means being on the cutting edge, knowing technical and/or popular stuff? Heck no. Or at least, not necessarily. I honestly heard someone the other day say, "Obee-Kaybee"! I wondered if anyone even knows what that means anymore... That person was, completely, In-The-Know about the Cosby Show. Another example of how being ITK isn't necessarily hip and current? How about the best friend and the school principal in 17 Again, who discover, quite happily, that they are each In-The-Know about Lord of the Rings! (that's hilarious, by the way.)

In-the-Know.

Possibly you remember Disney's 2002 remake of Freak Friday. There is a scene where Jamie Lee Curtis is complaining to Lindsey Lohan about what she, trapped inside her mother's body, has done with her mother's hair and clothes. Upset with her new look, she complains, "I look like Stevie Nicks!" to which her daughter replies, "Who's he?" Boom! DOUBLE SMACK!

because the daughter made her look like Stevie Nicks in the first place, and
because she didn't know that Stevie Nicks is a female, which makes mom feel even older!

In-The-Know.

We have recently experienced this generational phenomena at our house. We watched Space Chimps for one of our family's Movie Nights, and the children got to hear Axel F for the first time, in the scene where the monkeys are being tested for their intelligence. Macy and Kelton instantly loved the song and sang it repeatedly for a week or two. Check it out:

Several months later, when their choice for Movie Night was Space Chimps once again, Macy decided she had to learn how to play Axel F on the piano. And that is great. No problem. Except that she keeps calling it That Song From Space Chimps, instead of That Song From Beverly Hills Cop. I tried (and failed) explaining it to her.

And then this week, a neighborhood girl we carpool with came in our house while Macy was playing, and excitedly exclaimed,

"OH!! It's That Song from Space Chimps!"

(Pat me on the back, I didn't spank any of the children in the house, though they all deserved it....somehow.)

In-The-Know.

It's such an odd thing. When you get it and nobody else does, you wonder what is happening to the world. On the other hand, when you get it along with your BFF, and you happen to be stuck playing Taboo, it's concurrently both awesome for you two and excruciating for the others around the table.

In-The-Know.

When somebody makes a Facebook post about unity, and all being in this thing together, and you give it a thumbs-up and praise them for their open-mindedness......and then they smack you down by explaining they were merely quoting from a song in High School Musical.

In-The-Know.

The inside joke you struggled to understand, and when you finally did, it wasn't all that funny and it makes you disappointed in the people who love it so much.

In-The-Know.

When the 8 people you've talked with on your insurance's help-hotline all tell you different things to do and different reasons you aren't getting reimbursed....(Resist the urge to think this is not an In-The-Know situation. Your argument that none of THEM know what they're talking about might be correct. However, the thing they all know and you don't? Is that you ain't evah gonna see that money, Honey!)

In-The-Know.

When Macy's generation is making movies and they play Axel-F in a scene with a monkey in it, and all the young people laugh because it's a subtle nod to a movie, Space Chimps, that they grew up with.

So what's my point—and would I please get to it quickly? I guess, if anything, my point is that there are some things that are important to know, and other things that you don't have enough time or motivation to fully understand, and that's OK too. Deciding what needs filtered versus what merits going deeper is a difficult and highly individualized task. Nobody needs to be ITK about everything. But humanity is better, richer, and more complex because of each person's particular ITK niches and specialties.

(Things that make you go Hmmm.)

Quirky Turkey Day!

2009-11-26T11:09:00.008-06:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! This year for Turkey Day, I'm doing something a little different. One of my favorite things about people? Their quirks. "Respect the quirk" is a personal motto I enjoy living by. I deeply love getting to know others well enough to know, and attempt to understand, their unique preferences, peeves, and sources of joy.

As I opened the refrigerator at my In-laws' house yesterday I was reminded of one of my favorite quirks of my Mother in law, and it was then that I decided for Thanksgiving this year, I would highlight one quirk per relative.

QUIRK-FEST OF MY FAMILY
My mother in law: in the butter compartment of her refrigerator? Want to take a guess? Butter? Cream cheese? Nope. Nail polish. It lasts longer that way, she says.

My husband: cannot stand it for the passenger seat to be ahead of the driver seat. It is not right for the passenger to arrive somewhere ahead of the person who drove them there in the first place. Love it.

My brother in law: I might be wrong, but I am nearly certain the man has Karmex on his person at any time of the day or night.

My mother: If something would go well with lace or doilies, she hates it. Cringes, even. HOWEVER, if it is a winky (you know those things that when you move them back and forth, the picture looks like it's moving?) she absolutely must have it.

My sister in law: Four words spell stress-relief for this amazing 30-something--Coloring Book And Crayons.

My father: The long way, or the complicated way. Those are the only two ways he does things. (Not to complain too terribly much, though. Because of his meticulous paper trails, he was the expert witness in a multi-million dollar corporate law suit in which a proverbial Goliath was taken down, and a little-bitty David proved that underdogs sometimes DO win.)

My father in law: A veritable well-spring of useless trivia. If you need to know a tiny detail of American history, an odd nuance of Japanese culture,what part has gone bad in your microwave...do not Google it. Just ask Dave.

Yes, quirks are the best. If you have a quirk to share, please post a comment. And if you don't, you need to either get honest with yourself or stop denying your inner preferences! Open up! Have an opinion! Embrace what makes you uniquely you! ...And have a Happy Thanksgiving!

natural, but not necessarily easy

2009-11-22T11:43:00.001-06:00

I was listening to Dick Gordon on NPR, interviewing Carolyn Sartor, a doctor, researcher and professor on the topic of cancer. Carolyn's personal experience with cancer, rather than her vast body of work in the field, was the topic for discussion.

She sailed for two years. On a sail boat. Finding herself. Fighting her cancers. Redefining herself. Doing things that normal people with normal incomes and normal hobbies couldn't do, but worked wonders for her.

Completely fascinating interview. Something she said became an epiphany for me. They were talking about the way she and her husband openly speak about her health with their 7 year old son Keegan. How they have never held back truths from him, never padded the probability that she will be overcome by it one day, and probably not decades from now, either.

That's when she said it. She said, "It's always been very natural to him. But that doesn't mean it's been easy for him."

What?! Something that is natural to you isn't always easy?! I'm old enough to guess that can't be the first time I'd heard that concept, but it certainly hit me with a force as if it were.

And doesn't that free up a lot of things!

Within myself, Jen's Heart and Soul, it is very natural, even ancient within me, to be a Mother, a Wife, a Truth-seeker. But I've been taking on a lot of guilt lately for not playing these roles with the greatest of ease. Dr. Sartor's words were tremendously liberating for me to hear. What is within your nature does not come without the need to work . . . fight . . . practice . . . maintain. What is natural isn't always easy.

Whew.

GET YOUR PATIENCE ON!

2009-11-18T21:34:00.009-06:00

Two things have been fantastic endorphin boosts for me lately!

1-I got the greeter at our nearby grocery, whose smile easily fits into the "very-rarely-if-ever" category, not just to smile, but also to laugh!

2-I thanked a complete stranger for serving in the military. He was 80 or better, wearing his military hat and walking slowly, so I had plenty of time to talk myself into it. I felt so glad I spoke after seeing the huge smile and hearing his sincere "You're very welcome."

I felt sky high after both of those interactions. The point was to make them feel good, but I got a huge boost, too. That got my mind spinning.

If I feel good by doing simple acts of goodness/kindness/patience toward others, can I make that my holiday project?

. . . Intentionally allow someone my parking spot even though I got there first?

. . . Show patience to the new check-out clerk calling for a third price check?

. . . Stop myself from yelling at someone just to let off some of my own steam?

Of course I can! But there's a problem. If I get my patience on but keep it to myself, I am limited to my own ideas and experiences.

On the other hand, if I encourage you to join me in getting your patience on, simply being nice, keeping it cool, and other forms of holiday stress relief, then you can share what you have done, and we can all be challenged and encouraged!

So do it. Post a comment below*! Tell something simple you plan to do or have recently done to make the world a happier place this season. Don't forget to tell how it made you feel. Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men! You're probably already nice (at least most of the time!) so just add some intentionality this time of year!

P.S. By all means, do use this as an opportunity to brag it up when you GET YOUR PATIENCE ON. Humility-Shmumility. Tell it like it was so that other people can be challenged to follow your lead!

*By the way, you don't have to create an account to respond. Just post anonymously and then sign your name in the text if you'd rather.

Life's Important Moments, brought to you by TXT

2009-11-10T13:07:00.009-06:00

Last week I got punked. Bad. I texted someone in our youth group to find out how her dad, who was possibly headed to the ER for appendicitis, was doing. She texted me back that it was bad and he actually died.

Fast forwarding through a LOT of details in between, (or as Scott Floyd would say, "More baby, less labor"), I was standing in their family's living room before we figured out that I had been texting someone else—a complete stranger whose cell number just happened to be 1 digit different from my REV kid. And who just happened to say the right things at the right times in order to sound pretty stinkin' believable and make me one gigantic sucker! Yikes. Turns out the dad had kidney stones, which is absolutely awful. But in comparison with what I had thought, I was quite relieved.

Having just been through that, I have since been thinking about how important some things are to actually hear with your own ears. So here are some of life's more significant moments, and what they would be like if they were texted instead of spoken:

Taylor + Brielle = TLA

Taylor: Think I'm gunna ax BreL 2 marry me 2nite.

Kevin: Taylor are you honestly texting me to ask for my daughter's hand in marriage?

Taylor: Yep, sry, im super busy 2day n ddnt have time 2 call.

{few minutes pass}

Taylor: Um, sir? U never answerd.

{few minutes pass}

Kevin: Do you love Brielle? Can you support her? Do you even have a job?

Taylor: Yes yes yes

{few minutes pass}

Kevin: K

The texting of the Preamble to the Constitution

TJ: "We the ppl..."

Jesus' words of wisdom:

Jesus: "Evry1 will know u follow me if u love 1 another."

James: "ikr"

John: "True. Ur the best BFF ever!"

Peter: "OMG thats awesome man. Tysm."

Judas: "Psh, whatevs."

Top Ten Things I'm looking forward at the Fall Revolution Retreat

2009-11-05T18:52:00.005-06:00

10 - Plenty of of "I love you man"'s and lots of huggin' it out

9 - A ton of "I never knew that about you!"'s

8 - Pushing Michael B's accent talent to its limits. I know he can do Scottish, Irish, Russian, and Spanish. I want to see if he can do Polite Pirate, Swahili Neck Stretcher, German lost in Australia, and/or a Hip Hop Grandma.

7 - Busting up EVERY SINGLE "pa-duh" (or at least, that's what they called it on the PSA against PDA's that was so funny a few Wednesdays ago) ....Not only busting them up AS we catch them, but even BEFORE they have even begun! LOL!!!!

6 - Something super messy, gooey or sticky. Something to do with Messy Spirituality. ...but nothing that would stain our new REV hoodies, of course.

5 - Something that makes EVERYONE laugh, SOME people snort, and maybe even ONE poor kid pee their pants.

4 - Having to go into the nearest town for a toothbrush run after discovering that every single MS boy forgot to bring one. (NOT!!!!)

3 - Delicious Pancakes, Sammies and Spaghetti made by our AWESOME moms!

2 - Seeing how many girls and guys bring their stuffedy's along. (Don't be ashamed! I'm bringing a teddybear!!!)

1 - NOT passing out any bandaids for razor cuts ... because ... THIS IS NO SHAVE NOVEMBER!!!!

Halloween: Schedule & Photos

2009-10-30T08:00:00.003-06:00

A Brief Run-down of the Night's Events...

6pm - Costumes & Cameras

6:15 - Knock on Neighborhood doors

8:00 - Desperate Displays of the Overwhelmed at Grandma's house.

8:30 - Back home. Yes, you may have a few pieces. Just a FEW. Oh all right, 6 is a few.

8:36 - Festival of Red no. 5 Rockets and Chocolate Insulin-ators. Yes, 6 has been reached. And re-reached. Several times by now.

8:40 - Exhaustion and insulin shock are peaking concurrently. Put away the camera. There are no more good pictures to be had tonight.

9:00 - A battle some children know as The Sheets of Death; some call Mortal Combat vs. Mattress Man, we parents just call it Bedtime.

2am - Grope through the dark to find all clocks in the house and change them back an hour. (Just kidding. It's one kind of stupid to let the kids eat Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs on Halloween Night, it's another to set the clocks at the exact time Daylight Saving occurs.)

6am OR 7am - (depending on GMT or Body) Wake up for church. Google "cure" "child" "sugar hangover."

. . . It's OK to give the kids Reeces Pieces for breakfast, provided you serve them in a bowl, pour milk over it, and eat it with a spoon. Right?

Some pictures from 2008...

Our Pumpkins last year. One had eyelashes. One had eyebrows...sort of.

T-shirts inspired by Family Fun magazine.

Pizzas (both above) inspired by my imagination,

shaping crust (or cutting pre-made) into pumpkin shape

and using large pepperoni for the pumpkin faces.

Trick-or-treating is a neighborhood tradition on our street.

In this photo:

Cindi Lauper, a stray kitty, a flower pot, two Star Wars guys.

Why I love youth ministry

2009-10-28T22:46:00.010-06:00

There are so many different ways to take this entry. I have pondered several.

Make a humorous Top 10 list of the best things about youth ministry.
Do it like a PSA - reasons you should volunteer your time and abilities to today's youth.
Tell a story or several stories about why I love it.

I finally decided just to go "unplugged." No stylizing words in order to make it funny; no recruitment efforts. Just several of the reasons I personally benefit from and love youth ministry. If it makes you want to get involved at your own church, awesome! If not, just enjoy this little entry about something that means a great deal to the meaningfulness of my life.

Why I love youth ministry

It's a whole new group of people to love and befriend! Many of my friendships with the students' parents have been strengthened, and many of my friendships with them already had a foundation based on knowing others in their family.
It's a different people group to worship and be in community with. I value friendships with fellow adult/married/mom friends. But serving with youth adds a variety and a joy in relationships that would be seriously unachievable without these amazing people.
Being part of their service with the loud music and the freedom to worship freely—nobody cares if their friends are standing still, dancing, hands up, or bowed in reverence. Being part of their worship has actually opened my heart up to God in ways I haven't experienced before, and grown me in my own spirit.
It's a great chance for my own kids to depend on someone else for their night-night routine—their daddy! And that makes them enjoy their special nights with Daddy only, and oddly enough, appreciate the other 6 nights when I'm around for them.
The students' stories are great, their questions are genuine, their motives aren't complicated, and their ideas often challenge me to look at things from a different angle.
They make me laugh SO MUCH! I go to sleep smiling on Wednesday nights, and I spend all Sunday afternoon smiling because of them. I've joked that REVOLUTION is my anti-drug, but seriously, it's true. It's a great feeling that lasts all week.
Watching them grow together brings me a sense of pride. Watching them grow spiritually brings me to tears. Watching them grow up, deal with zits, develop muscles, hit some fantastic voice cracks, wear eyeshadow for the first time...brings me so many indescribable feelings.
I benefit from hearing an extra sermon and having an extra worship service each week.
They need me. Might sound arrogant, but it's not. They need another adult to care about them, believe in them, pray them through the heavy blows some of them unfortunately experience. Whether it's just adding to the support they already get from home, or supplementing what they don't get anywhere else, they need safe supportive adults. Many adults expect teens to be making babies, overdosing on drugs, stuff like that. Not me. Not the other adults who serve. We know they've got plenty of opportunities to make mistakes. And we help them if they do. But we expect a higher standard of life choices. A better way of living. It's hard for a teen to fail an influential adult's positive or negative expectation of them. They need my expectations to be better and louder than the negative ones other adults might be acting on.
When was the last time you got a loud, screaming, jumping-up-and-down hug that sounded something like "Wow! I've missed you! It's great to see you!!!"
Even if nothing is going right in my life, I can think of a handful of positive things that God is doing in their lives, and it strengthens my faith. And when they're low, God seems to work it out so that my life stories strengthen their faith, too!

Secrets hidden deep in your heart

2009-10-20T22:38:00.006-05:00

You might not even know some of the deepest feelings hiding inside your heart until they come out of your mouth. (Proverbs 23:7a) Watch, then, what you say. Not as a guard watches for escapees; but as a detective watches for clues. Not settled in your spirit? Then have a listen to yourself. Are the words you speak feelings that are working their way to the surface? As they come up, don't be afraid to address each of them, even the ugly ones, speaking truth in love, and praying for the mind of Christ (1 Cor 2:16).

I am, evidently, the Marilyn Monroe of Walgreens

2009-10-14T13:51:00.009-05:00

I am stuck at home in bed today with a fever and chills

. . . and my MacBook. So I've been doing a little work from home, looking up knitting patterns for Christmas gifts, and basically just needing a big laugh.

Needing to laugh made me think about something that happened two years ago and went in my previous blog. It's time for a repost and a good chuckle.

Monday, September 24, 2007

i am, evidently, the marilyn monroe of walgreens

oh yes, i am, evidently, the marilyn monroe of walgreens. you know the famous marilyn footage where the wind blows up her skirt? yeah, that's pretty much what happened as we were exiting the building. only i wasn't wearing the sexy halter dress, i was wearing a gauze broomskirt....

and you know how marilyn monroe wasn't pushing a shopping cart and didn't have two kids with her? well, i did....

and you know how there were those cameras filming marilyn? well, i'm sure the surveillance footage there at walgreens will be worth at least a few chuckles......

with my hands not free to push the cart AND keep my skirt down, all I could possibly do was say, "c'mon kids! LET'S RUN!"

when we got in the car, the kids and i, we were all still laughing, and they said, "oh, mommy, we need to thank JESUS for that funny joke he did for us. that was HILARIOUS, mom!"

so, thank you, jesus.... (NOT!)

and you're welcome, walgreens.....

and ALL the people driving at 2nd & Santa Fe, for that matter.

A Letter to my lawmakers

2009-10-11T14:36:00.005-05:00

A letter to my law makers

I read in the news that President Obama has been considering making longer school years for children. I am NOT a rabid political diva, and to be honest, I don't respect people who disagree with Obama as a knee-jerk reaction to who his is . . . or isn't. However, this was something I felt I could write to my lawmakers about and make my voice heard (without working myself into a knot only Nexium could undo...)

Dear Sir,

As a working mother of a 1st and a 2nd grader, I want to let you know my view that I am NOT in favor of longer school year for my children. I look forward to three months of summer with them each year, and yes, it is difficult deciding each year who they will be with and/or what they will be doing while I am at work, but I value the much-needed time they spend playing outside, interacting with friends, learning valuable skills like swimming, hiking, and many other ways of getting explorative physical fitness outside the school gym. In the summer we get to enjoy the long, bright evenings and eating late dinners outside and playing at the park together without having to rush for homework and bedtime.

Not only do my kids need that time, the teachers also need that break. One of the best things about being a teacher is summers. That's not selfish. That's just gratefully acknowledging a group of people who get payed so little to do so much. They couldn't help but burn out without 3 months off. Well over half of teachers burn out even WITH the time off. We are already experiencing a dangerous shortage of nurses. PLEASE consider the burnout and the danger of losing teachers, too. We need teachers who love what they do and who are good at it, not ones who spend the first half of the year learning the ropes of the new job and the last half of the year searching and interviewing for a new job after May!

I'm not a homeschooling, craft-of-the-day, love-every-minute type of Mom, but even with all my flaws, I LOVE my kids having summers, and I'd like to know know, aside from writing you, any suggestions as to what I should do and/or whom I should contact to voice my support for summer!

Thank you,

Jen

Hippy chic finds funny old country song

2009-10-08T08:23:00.010-05:00

I am not a country music fan. About 4 times in the last 10 years I've had a country station on my pre-sets in the car. But mostly, no.

Well I was flipping through channels and heard a song that just made me smile from the inside out. I think (hope) he meant it to sound goofy. It's of absolutely zero musical value—if you know 3 chords you could play it start to finish. But the lyrics just made me do a happy giggle. Not deep, just fun.

I'm not sure the world ever saw Hank Williams Jr. with love beads and bell bottoms carrying a "Make Love Not War" sign, but this song comes pretty close.

By the way, I looked it up to see if I might be able to post it from youtube and found this link from the show Hee-Haw. Didn't know he was from that long ago, I thought he was current...

I'm for Love

Hank Williams Jr.

Mothers against drunk drivers

The Pope is against the pill

The Union's against the workers

Working against their will

The President's against the Congress

The Senate is against the House

People are against Politicians

And I'm against cats in the house.

But I'm for love ... and I'm for happiness

And I'm for ... if you don't like it

Can't you just let it pass

And I'm for turning off the news

And turnin' down the light

'Cause I'm for nothin' else

But me and you tonight.

The City's against the County

The County's against the State

The State is against the Government

And the highway still ain't paved

The Banker's against the Farmer

The Farmer's against the wall

Doctor's against me smokin'

And the Devil's against us all.

But I'm for love ... and I'm for happiness

And I'm for ... if you don't like it

Can't you just let it pass

And I'm for turning off the tube

And turnin' down the light

'Cause I'm for nothin else

But me and you tonight.

The Cops are against the Robbers

The Laws are against the Cops

Justice is against the system

And the people are blowin' their tops

The Horse is against the Automobile

The Bus is against the Train

The Train is against the Jumbo Jet

And I'm against fishin' in the rain.

But I'm for love ... I'm all for happiness

And I'm for ... if you don't like it

Can't you just let it pass

And I'm for turning off the tube

And turnin' down the light

'Cause I'm for nothin' else

But me and you tonight.

Hey, I'm for love , I'm all for happiness

And i'm for ... not looking for something to make us mad

I'm all for turnin' off the news and turnin' down the light

And I'm for nothin' else but me and you tonight.

2 Rice Recipes: MexiTropical MahiMahi & Barenaked Pantry Hash

2009-10-04T21:59:00.001-05:00

In my previous blog I shared quite a few recipes. But these are the first recipes on JenHartnsoul.

Be sure to click "Interesting" or make a comment if you like recipes so I know if you enjoy "foodie" posts.

Mexi Tropical Mahi Mahi

I made up this recipe on the fly a few years ago and it's Gavin-approved, so you know it's good. And it's fish, fruit, vegetables and rice, so it's also good for you, too.

1 small can crushed pineapple

1 cup salsa

3 or 4 mahi mahi filets, uncooked

Place filets in a cooking dish. Top each filet with a few spoonfuls of crushed pineapple, followed by a few spoonfuls of salsa. Bake in the oven at 400°ish for 18ish minutes or until it flakes with a fork. Meanwhile, the rice.

RICE

1 T. butter

1 cup long-grain white rice (or brown!)

1/2 cup chicken broth

1/2 cup pineapple juice

crushed pineapple left over from above

1 clove garlic or garlic powder to taste

1/2 t. or more, crushed red pepper

1/2 t. or more, black pepper

salt to taste

Heat a skillet and melt the butter. Turn the rice for a minute or two, to get it toasty. Slowly pour in water, pineapple juice and broth. Stir in crushed pineapple, garlic, salt and peppers. Cover and reduce heat when it simmers, cooking for 20 minutes or until the juices are soaked up nicely.

Serve fish, rice, and fresh steamed green beans or snap peas. Mmm-wah! Kiss the cook.

Bare-Naked Pantry Hash

Even if your cupboards are bare, there's still a good chance you've got everything you need to make this and skip the grocery one more day. 3 guarantees: 1-This will be the least impressive dish you've ever made 2-You will never make it for company 3-It's very filling and delicious even when plated in front of empty cabinets. Easy to stock in an icestorm.

1 15 oz can of corn, undrained

1 15 oz can of green beans, liquid reserved

1 small can tomato paste

1 cup Mahatma (long-grain white rice)

1 cup water

1 pound of hamburger

1 t salt

1 t pepper

1 T onion flakes

In a large skillet, brown hamburger over high heat, finely crumbling and draining along the way.

Meanwhile, preheat a T or two of oil in a small pot, toss in onion flakes for a few seconds, and then the rice, stirring a minute or two until toasty. Slowly add 1 cup water and 1 cup greenbean liquid, salt and pepper, heat to a boil, and simmer for 15 minutes.

After hamburger is cooked and drained, keep in the skillet and toss together undrained corn, green beans and tomato paste. Mix well and heat till all is warmed.

Stir in rice and ladle into large bowls along with anything else you might find in those bare-naked cabinets!

(Note: My mom calls this dish Zucchini Slop and makes it with zucchini and a bit of basil and oregano plus all the leftover vegetables she can find in her freezer.)

Cute! But so, SO bogus!

2009-09-28T14:00:00.002-05:00

The last two weeks, my husband has been gone on business. He just got back yesterday, and I am one happy esposita! I started writing this entry a while ago, but decided this was a very appropriate time to finish it up and post it. Here goes.

So the really cute sign in the "art" section at Target said,

"Love isn't about who you live with,

But who you can't live without."

Aw! How cute!!!! And what a clever word play!

But WOW, how wrong!

Listen. I can live without my husband. I just prefer not to. If I were in a spot where I couldn't actually subsist without him, then it wouldn't be love. It would be need.

To say I want someone in my life, even desperately so, is a good thing. It does not negate my own abilities to take care of myself, to pull myself up by my own Choo straps, and to make a go at whatever comes my way. On the other hand, "can't live without" just hits me wrong. Unless I'm lying in a hospital bed in a coma, or barring other horrid tragedies, we're talking about preferences here, not actual needs.

And maybe I'm just splitting hairs. Maybe the person who made the sign would respond "Relaaaaaaax!" if he or she read my blog. But I guess the reason it stands out to me is this:

We live too swervy. We feel deeply one day and not at all by the next week.

So if we set an expectation in our minds that

"Love = can't live without"

then we eventually derive the (bogus) understanding that

"CAN live without = failure."

or "= fallen out of love."

or "= time to shop for someone new."

and that's just not how it is.

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Some of those years–a few days and yes, even a few weeks at a time–I would have almost preferred to live without him! (And you can only imagine what he was preferring while I was feeling that way!) I'm just being honest here. We set up this insane, unrealistic, one-dimensional movie-love that makes us ashamed of anything but flowers and tingles.

But the glory of being with someone through thick and thin; the accomplishment of having worked it out, cried it out, screamed it out, prayed it out, struggled it out, willed it out, is something so infinitely better than any onscreen romance. Ever.

I wouldn't trade the beautiful variety of what we've been through in our marriage—best, worst and in between—for the very most wildly romantic movie or book or poem or song you could ever give. Even if I could go back. I love all the dimensions and angles our love has taken us through. Loving only in romantic times is very uni-dimensional.

In love, if you're really good, you can spend quite a bit of time being absolutely perfect in front of your significant other. In that phase, who wouldn't want to love you, right?! But to be so vulnerable that you see each other's faults, weak moments, ugly sides, and then love each other all the more for going through it together?

Now THAT is what love is about. THAT is the kind of love I wish everyone in this world could experience. THAT is the kind of love that makes me want to burst into a hippy song about teaching the world to sing in perfect harmony...

But of course, THAT is also a lot longer. And I don't think Target would be able to sell quite as many if they tried to put it on a sign.

Driving in Opposite Land: Top 10 Rules of the Road

2009-09-24T21:00:00.003-05:00

Welcome to Opposite Land! Please be sure to follow each of our Top 10 Driving Rules as carefully as possible.

Rule 10. You must bank every turn. If you are turning right, swerve to the left a good 15 yards before your turn, and if you are turning left, swerve quite a bit to the right. Just in case your car suddenly becomes a semi-truck, or the curb jumps out to bite you.

Rule 9. If you are stopped at a light and somebody in the next lane looks like a celebrity, personal friend, or acquaintance, you must immediately tell all of your passengers to look–nay, gawk–at them. If the look-alike notices you rubbernecking, they'll certainly understand. And if not, you can always raise your eyebrows at them, because . . .

. . . Rule 8. Come Hither looks and Eyebrow Pumping are universally appropriate. What better way to show that hottie how much class you have, whether on the highway or in town.

As a sidenote, however, if you are wearing sunglasses while attempting this, especially the eyebrow pumping, you will need to exaggerate your expressions quite a bit, to ensure that she (or he) sees your complimentary behavior.

Rule 7. While texting, lane markings are only a suggestion. A lofty goal, as it were, to strive to attain most of the time.

Rule 6. Never, EVER prepare yourself mentally for the drive home. You should act genuinely surprised each evening as someone cuts you off, rides your bumper, and/or wants to make a lane change in front of you. If you absolutely must have a drink on the way home, be sure to hold it in the hand opposite of your natural "bird giving" hand. In warmer months, consider driving with your windows down so that you can loudly verbalize your surprise with more than just a hand gesture.

Rule 5. If you own an SUV and roll up on an event for which all parking spots are taken, you shouldn't think twice about driving up curbs and through grass, regardless of whether the lawn is very nicely manicured and/or if you might create deep wheel grooves. They should have taken that into consideration while they were busy making their parking lot too small. Not your problem.

Rule 4. In the case of a downpour of rain, you have to get where you're going as soon as possible. This means you must be more brave than usual, for example, in turning left in the face of oncoming traffic. Additionally, as a goal, try to run at least two red lights per torrent.

Rule 3. You must listen to music loud enough that you can't hear Firetrucks, EMSA, and Police sirens. This is the best way to ensure for yourself the honor of being the one to force these fast-moving vehicles to cross the median and drive into oncoming traffic. Cops, EMT's and Firefighters live for the chase. Someone has to make it dangerous and exciting for them. Be that guy.

Rule 2. When turning right, you should come to a complete stop before turning. If you are able to combine this driving rule with Rule #10, you are a Master Driver.

and finally...

Rule 1. Any personal preference or conviction you have, be absolutely sure to show it off on a bumper sticker and then weave in and out of traffic lanes so that the first thing people see, after slamming on their breaks, is your Jesus fish, Obama or "W" sticker, love for the First Amendment, or adoration of the F-word. Listen. Advertising is costly. Do your part in getting the word out about your favorites.

Thank you for following these rules carefully. Your Opposite Land councilwoman is Jen Hartsell. If you have suggestions for additional laws, please submit them to her via her comment section at the following website: http://jenhartnsoul.blogspot.com/2009/09/driving-in-opposite-land-top-10-rules.html

The Powder Keg and Sleeping Beauty

2009-09-21T22:24:00.004-05:00

(This is the 3rd and final blog on my rollercoaster experiences at the end of August. Don't just jump in here. Start with the first if you've got a moment! )

My whole life I grew up somehow just knowing that I would be an amazing wife and mother. I wanted a husband and kids very badly, so naturally I would somehow automatically have the talents to succeed, right? Wrong! Standing on the banks of the River of Wifery and Momness, I was only imagining the cool and soothing and fun parts. Apparently I was spacing when others ahead of me said it: It is HARD being a mom! It is HARD being a wife! All my fantasies about The River of Wifery and Momness had more to do with the splashing and giggling and sunshine. I didn't even realize what it takes just to stay afloat; much less how to deal with the muscle cramps and rainy weather.

I think of the same concept watching Sleeping Beauty. Have you seen the part where the three Fairy Godmothers use their magic wands and get the mops and brooms to clean the floor? And how they make the needles sew the dress? And how they make the mixing bowls and spoons bake the cake?

Every time I see that, I think, "They've got magic wands, why use the unmagic middleman (broom, needle, spoon)? Why not just ding the floors clean, ding the dress sewn, ding the cake baked? And everytime the answer comes back to me:

Joy is found in the process. Merit is earned in the middle.

Even when it involves pain or struggle or discomfort.

Sure, Sleeping Beauty's Fairies could just magically ding the dress sewn, the cake baked and, for that matter, ding Briar Rose to her 18th birthday! That way they would know she was safe from the Wicked Witch's curse of the deadly spindle. Heck, why not? And while they were at it, they might as well ding her to her 30th birthday so she'd already have little princes and princesses and not have to go through the pain of childbirth! Psh! Might as well! Yeah, and it's HARD raising teenagers! So why not just ding her to her 50s so her kids are grown and she doesn't have to worry about it?! (See how it just doesn't stop?)

She would miss out on life, that's why. Even if it wasn't exactly as expected.

Even if she pricked her finger along the way.

Even if a Prince had to fight for her.

Even if.

Most of the time we don't get what we were expecting. But what we get, surprisingly, even with the extra work along the way, is a better, other, blessing. Lord, let me never focus so hard on my goals that I fail to see the joy and merit of the gorgeous, unexpected, messy-beautiful process you have for me along the way.